Headlies: Wife Leaves Husband For Messing Up Enzo & Cass Catchphrase

5 Submitted by on Mon, 28 December 2015, 08:00


Brattleboro, VT – Diehard NXT fan Emily Walker-Tynes has decided to end her marriage with her husband Roland following his failure to accurately repeat Enzo Amore and Big Cass’s catchphrase.

“After 17 years of marriage, this was the final straw,” said an irate Emily, packing up her WWE replica title belts. “You think you know someone and they just do something so…I’m sorry, I can’t talk about this anymore. It’s just too upsetting.”

The “something” that Emily was referring to was Roland jokingly trying to repeat the tag team’s lengthy catchphrase. The relationship became strained on Christmas morning when Emily opened her present from Roland, revealing a new Baron Corbin shirt.

“I had asked him for a Finn Balor shirt and he gave me this…thing. Minus five stars, no buys, this isn’t awesome clap clap clap,” said Emily.

A concerned Roland tried to rectify the situation by trying to recite the catchphrase. Unfortunately, his memory is not what it used to be and attempts at ad-libbing only made things worse.

“’This is Big Casey and he’s seven feet tall. Bada bingo can’t teach that lingo?’” recounted Emily. “What does that even mean? What kind of man doesn’t know how do something so easy? I knew I should have listened to my mother and waited for Bobby Eaton at his hotel room.”

“I don’t know. Sorry I couldn’t remember every little detail,” said a distraught Roland to himself. “Sorry I can’t remember Chuck Gable and Mimosa John or whatever. I can keep track of all these new people, and moves, and sayings. I miss the old days when everyone was named The Crusher or The Destroyer and everyone just dropped an elbow or used bodyslams. Back then, you just had hairy, fat guys yelling at each other. Simple.”

The couple has decided that Roland will keep the house, the cars, and the pets so that Emily can pursue her dreams of going to every NXT taping at Full Sail University and becoming an internet celebrity by holding up overtly sexual signs about Bull Dempsey.

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From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
5 Responses to "Headlies: Wife Leaves Husband For Messing Up Enzo & Cass Catchphrase"
  1. John C says:

    Unfortunantly this is an affliction which can strike anyone at any given time. As the natural progression of age sets in, the ability to accurately recite lengthy catchphrases can be problematic. “Honestly honey I used to be able to get up for The Road Dogg’s promos, but you know it’s been a long day. We can try again later, I’ll be better, I promise.”

    It brings a tear of joy to my eye to have my homestate mentioned in the headlie.

  2. Geoff says:

    I thought they already fixed this affliction. Or no wait, that was Yellow Fever. Oh I remember the other name for this now. It’s called Delusion Dementia Familia Paranoia. Emphasis on the Dementia and the paranoia I believe. It’s genetic, and can also be caught by swapping bodily fluids (IE kissing). I’ve read about it but this was the first case I’ve ever heard of that was this big and in the lime light. Which celebrity is left that will care about something like this and take it up as a cause? Call, Taylor Swift, she’ll take up anything as a cause.

  3. Hulk6785 says:

    Hairy fat guys yelling at each other. Thanks for that image.

  4. Doc 902714 says:

    Finally Bobby Eaton gets a reference on WrestleCrap.

  5. Sean Wilkinson says:

    If, by some absurd twist of fate, I end up playing a wrestler’s manager/mouthpiece, I’m stealing “bada-bingo, can’t teach that lingo” for my own use.

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