0 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 12:52

Text by Justin HenryRD Reynolds, and Sean Carless; Photoshoppery by Sean Carless and RD Reynolds
Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here; Check out Sean on Facebook here and his website here

By RD Reynolds

Poughkeepsie, NY – Patti and Frank Newsome have been the epitome of a true American marriage. Together for fifteen years, the two have been united in a rather unique way: a love for professional wrestling.

“When I first met Frank, he seemed a bit embarassed to tell me that he was a fan (of pro wrestling),” noted Mrs. Newsome. “When I told him that I watched Raw every Monday night, he was so relieved. We’ve had a lot of fun not only watching it on TV, but going to shows as well. We loved it…until recently, that is.”

A series of increasingly odd occurances have had Mrs. Newsome a bit concerned. “Ever since he got a new laptop for Christmas, Frank has been acting very strange,” Mrs. Newsome said. “He seems very nervous when I am around; whenever I walk around him, he immediately either closes his laptop or switches to Outlook. I thought for sure he must be surfing the web for porn.”

What Patti would soon discover was far more bizarre. “I waited until Frank went to work one day, and looked at the history on his Internet Explorer. There was no porn on there at all, but countless logins at a website called www.prowrestlingfictionforums.com. I didn’t really pay much attention to it after that, as I saw he was mostly reading threads with titles like ‘Shawn/Hunter’ or ‘TripleH/HBK’. When I saw that, I didn’t even bother to read the threads, as D-X have always been his favorites. The one weird thing, though – on the threads, there was always a slash between their two names. I guess that’s just how that forum does things.”

Apparently, Frank was really enjoying what he was reading. Perhaps a bit too much, according to his wife. “I love wrestling, but I really can’t read about it non-stop like Frank can. Last weekend, he literally was on his computer the entire weekend. I wanted to go to dinner, but he said he couldn’t because he was right in the middle of reading something. When I asked if he’d like me to go to the Arby’s drive-thru and get us something, he said that would be fantastic. I mean, he was really overjoyed I was going out. It was even stranger, though, because he asked me to go to the one 15 miles away instead of the one right around the block.”

The most peculiar behavior, though, has taken place in their bedroom. “Frank was always a missionary man; we never deviated from that style of love making since we got together. Recently, though, he asked me to roll over so we could do it, uh, I guess they call it doggy style? That would have been odd enough, but then he kept yelling, ‘oh Hunt! oh Hunt!’ I was furious, and asked him who ‘Hunt’ was. I thought maybe it was Helen Hunt! But he said, ‘I wasn’t saying Hunt, I was saying ‘Hun’, like ‘Honey’. I thought that was really sweet, so I forgave him.”

Now Patti has a new concern: her hearing. “I really need to go have my ears checked. I could have sworn there was a ‘t’ sound at the end.”

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Yeah, you know...the WrestleCrap guy. Been here since before day 1, I have. You can hang out with me on Facebook. (I'm on there quite a bit) or follow my exploits on Twitter (I'm on there not quite so often). Thanks, and Keep on Crappin'!

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