Headlies: Vince Russo Plans A Special Valentine’s Day

17 Submitted by on Tue, 14 February 2017, 02:00



Long Island, NY – Former WWE, WCW, and TNA writer Vince Russo is taking time out of his busy schedule to plan a very special Valentine’s Day with his wife.

“Bro, it’s going to be totally sweet. My wife is going to absolutely love it. First, I’m going to make her breakfast in bed. Literally. I’m going to get some hot plates and make pancakes, bacon, and eggs right next to her while she’s sleeping. Oh, man, wouldn’t that be funny if she rolled over onto one of the scalding-hot plates. No one would see that coming!”

After breakfast, Russo intends to take his wife to all of her favorite jewelry store to pick out something special. “The key word is “pick”, said Russo. “She’s going to have four boxes in front of her: one containing a diamond ring, one with a Ring Pop, one with a piece of dog doo, and one with divorce papers! Bro, she better pick the right one!”

The days events will have a brief intermission due to Russo filming another shoot interview. Following the 3-hour long interview in which he will blame the death of WCW on Kwee Wee and Nitro Girl Tygress, Russo will take his wife out for a lovely night with dinner and a movie. “It’s going to be so classy. We’re going to get a Crave Case and a sack of onion rings from White Castle, a bottle of Diet Shasta Grapefruit, and some Little Debbie Zebra Cakes for dessert. We’ll chow down on the bed and watch our favorite movie, Ready To Rumble. David Arquette is just the best, isn’t he?”

When asked how he plans to finish off the special evening, Russo winked and said, “No-Holds Barred, Blindfold, Flogger-On-A-Pole Bedroom Match, bro, and you better believe Major Gunns will be making a run-in.”

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
17 Responses to "Headlies: Vince Russo Plans A Special Valentine’s Day"
  1. John says:

    Would Ed Ferrera do the play by play for the Bedroom Match as Oklahoma?

  2. That was great! I completely believe that he’d try something like this….

  3. s1mon86 says:

    yeah but which side is major gunns on?

  4. Meck1 says:

    Major Gunns is on my side! 🙂

  5. CarlMarksGuy says:

    I think you’ve really captured the “mad genius” of his booking methods!

    My favorite part is the dinner: more time was spent doing a shoot interview than planning what to eat, resulting in a thrown-together meal that makes no sense.

    I’ve been trying to think of how to work the “Nitro Swerve” in, and didn’t come up with much…I guess part of the evening plan could be “accidentally” running in to one of Vince’s ex-girlfriends, and Vinnie Ru and the ex yell at each other, until — SWERVE! They both turn on his wife, throw her into a dumpster, then run it over with a monster truck.

    Nah, that’d never work: not enough Tank Abbott.

  6. hunter says:

    Russo Swerve!!!!!

  7. GG Duce says:

    No necrophillia? What gives?

  8. John C says:

    Vinny Ru took his wife by the hand and lead her downstairs to the Christmas Tree and said, “Happy Valentine’s Day honey. Boy did I sure fool you wid da Christmas Tree. Ha Ha Ha. You never sawr that comin’ did ya. Don’t worry coz the best is yet to come, Kidman and Shane Douglas are gonna have a Viagra on a Pole here and den I’ll be ready to rumble wid you.”

  9. Justin says:

    Maybe a Vacuum-on-a-Pole match, with a check for $10,000 in it. “Now I know housewives don’t make a lot of money, but tonight I’m gonna give you the opportunity to make a lot of money.”

  10. Geoff says:

    AUGH! Stop the swerving! I want to get off

  11. Geoff says:

    … the ride (geeze what did you think I meant!)

  12. Thomas Moffatt says:

    No Star Wars Valentine’s Day Special then?

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