Headlies: Vince McMahon Tends To His Sick Wrestlers

10 Submitted by on Mon, 23 October 2017, 08:00

Minneapolis, MN – Matches for TLC were thrown in to chaos as both Roman Reigns and Bray Wyatt came down with a viral illness. Always concerned with the welfare of his Superstars, WWE CEO Vince McMahon skipped TLC and tended to the sick wrestlers.

As a precautionary measure, McMahon sent both wrestlers to Abbott Northwestern Hospital in Minneapolis. Wearing a lab coat and scrubs, McMahon entered the room with a large Edible Arrangement and box of comics.

Sitting on the edge of Reigns’s bed, McMahon gently said, “Hey, champ. I heard you were feeling kind of cruddy so I came by to make sure you’re doing okay. I even brought you some comics and WWE 2k18 to keep you from being bored while you’re in here.”

Reigns smiled at McMahon.

“Water,” said Wyatt weakly from the other bed. “So thirsty. Please. Water.”

McMahon went to the bathroom with a cup of water and straw. He patiently held the straw up to Reigns’s lips as he took weak gulps. McMahon then tenderly felt Reigns’ forehead.

“My god! You’re burning up!” said McMahon who ripped off Roman’s blanket and threw it on top of a profusely sweating Wyatt.

“Please…someone…open a window,” said Wyatt from underneath his pile of blankets.

“Quiet, Bray!” yelled McMahon. “Can’t you see my precious Roman is sick? Here, Ro-Ro, let me put this cold compress on your head. Now shut your eyes and get some rest, sweetie. We need you back as soon as possible.”

Suddenly, Wyatt’s EKG machine started beeping quickly.

“Bray! Can’t you think of anyone, but yourself? Roman is trying to sleep!” said McMahon who kicked the machine, causing the beeps to subside.

McMahon stayed in the room until Reigns fell asleep. As he stood in the doorway, he whispered “Don’t worry, Roman. Your spot will be right there where we left it.” McMahon paused for a second before sternly saying, “Bray, you’re fined $25,000 for missing a Pay-Per-View. Don’t let it happen again.”

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From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
10 Responses to "Headlies: Vince McMahon Tends To His Sick Wrestlers"
  1. Barronmore says:

    Ro-Ro….that one will haunt me (with laughter) for years.

    I wonder if this site is like ‘Dilbert’ for Wrestlers. If so, I hope Bray can laugh at this instead of cry and think his life is exactly like this. 🙂

    Either way, great job and I hope everyone gets well soon.

  2. whorefinder says:

    Then Triple H was wheeled in.

    “My baby!” screams Vince, shoving Roman off the gurney, physically picking up the banana-nosed Chyna-humper, and placing him on the gurney.

    “Ow! My toe! It’s sprained!” said a whiny Triple H.


    “Knock it off, whiner!” screamed Vince at the injured man. “can’t you see my son-in-law has the greatest injury of all time? What a survivor!”

    “Yes I do, daddy in law! I’m the Greatest of All Time!”

    At press time the entire hospital staff quit in disgust.

  3. Thomas Moffatt says:

    Surprised Vince didn’t cancel the PPV because Reigns wasn’t on it – can just see Michael Cole doing his serious face when telling everyone how bitterly disappointed that a ‘true icon’ loved by ‘traditional fans’ would not be in attendance that evening…

  4. CF says:

    [flashing back to the hospital sequence from _BASEketball_]

    “What are you doing?”

    “What’s it look like!?”

    “An execution?”

  5. John C says:

    “Look, Bray since you’re obviously loafing off in that bed there why don’t we have squat out a hand or something. Make yourself useful for God sake. You, Roman you just lay there pal and be golden, a great golden shower of bright light running down an old man’s face.”

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