HEADLIES: Triple H Vows to Defend WWE’s Honor Against ‘Vigilante’ Goldberg

5 Submitted by on Sun, 20 November 2016, 23:10



TORONTO – Irate over how easily the near-fifty-year-old Bill Goldberg mowed down relentless killing machine Brock Lesnar at the Survivor Series pay-per-view, WWE Chief Operating Officer Triple H is calling out the former WCW World Heavyweight Champion.

“This has happened before,” seethed Triple H in an exclusive interview. “Some WCW has-been that has spent the previous decade-plus in seclusion emerges from his hiding place and embarrasses WWE on its own soil. Clearly, his pummeling of Brock at the Survivor Series is his cry for attention, because he wants to punish me for the way I single-handedly destroyed WCW fifteen years ago.”

Triple H refers, of course, to Sting’s long-awaited first appearance on WWE television in the fall of 2014, which led to Sting putting over a wrestler ten years younger than himself in Triple H at WrestleMania 31. The WWE COO believes history is repeating itself, and that only he can put a stop to this purported act of belated vengeance.

“Look, Lesnar destroys everybody he faces,” notes Triple H. “He’s easily crushed the likes of Dean Ambrose and Randy Orton and John Cena and Sheamus and Alberto Del Rio, whereas I beat Lesnar at WrestleMania a few years back. He would’ve tapped to the kimono armbar or whatever it is that I put on him if I’d actually applied full pressure. Since I’m the only WWE superstar that Lesnar can’t destroy, I’m obviously a man that can take Goldberg and his bull-headed selfishness down a peg.”

Triple H was then asked what the company would have to gain by him pummeling gray-bearded Goldberg in front of the largest pay-per-view audience that WWE could muster, and his answer made sense to the stockholders.

“I’m younger than Goldberg by a few years; it’s about time Goldberg lays down for the younger talents, the ones who’ll still be around tomorrow.”

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Justin Henry is WrestleCrap's inquiring newsman, thirsting for knowledge always. He enjoys the art of satire, as you'll find in many of his works here at WrestleCrap. Drop him a line on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/notoriousjrh) and Twitter (http://www.twitter.com/jrhwriting)
5 Responses to "HEADLIES: Triple H Vows to Defend WWE’s Honor Against ‘Vigilante’ Goldberg"
  1. F. A. Fisher says:

    “What a hilarious headline” they all said before they realized that Trips doesn’t have a Mania opponent…

  2. John C says:

    Triple H then gave out a warning to Ric Flair, Arn Anderson, The Steiner Bros., The Great Muta, Terry Funk, Harley Race, The Rock & Roll Express, The Koloffs, Krusher Kruschev, and also The Mulkeys that their down South wrasslin’ is no match for his strong style Northeast skills and he’ll handle all of them.

  3. whorefinder says:

    I laughed until I realized this will likely be the rationale behind Mr. McMahon’s son-in-law beating Goldberg at Wrestlemania.

    Because the Monday Night Wars must always be re-fought against every former WCW star, comrades! And WCW must always be destroyed!

    Look for Goldberg to be forced to submit to a handshake.

    • Tempest_Fennac says:

      This wasn’t brought up during HHH’s ’03 feud with Goldberg, was it? I only started watching WWE stuff just after Summerslam that year after a long break and I remember the Unforgiven title match having the stipulation that Goldberg would have to retire if he lost as well as Evolution being involved but that’s all.

  4. Geoff says:

    WCW… will…. not….die!

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