Headlies: Triple H Interferes In The National Spelling Bee

10 Submitted by on Mon, 05 September 2016, 08:00

triplehnationalspellingbee Washington, DC – This past weekend’s National Spelling Bee had a shocking finish when WWE COO and former champion Triple H interfered, costing little Emily Cohen the championship.

After several intense hours of spelling, the competition had whittled down to the final two: 12 year-old Emily Cohen from Toms River, New Jersey and 11 year-old Reyansh Sachdeva of Boston, Massachusetts. After visibly struggling through the word “pneumatomachy” Reyansh could be seen looking intensely towards the back of the room.

Emily approached to the microphone to spell the word “rhinolophid” when out of nowhere, Triple H’s theme music began to play over the auditorium’s speakers. The distraction caused Emily to misspell the word, giving Reyansh a chance to claim victory.

Triple H ran down the auditorium’s stairs, grabbed one of the judges, and delivered a devastating Pedigree. Amidst all the chaos and confusion, Triple H then slid a dictionary to Reyansh, who easily spelled the word and claimed victory. As confetti fell from the ceiling, Triple H triumphantly raised Reyansh’s hand.

After the celebration, Triple H said, “Reyansh is what’s best for business. He’s exactly the type of champion the National Spelling Bee needs. I just made sure it happened. He’s going to make an incredible champion because he’s a winner. Just like Kevin Owens.”

Triple H was last seen slipping blue cheese to an unnamed woman at an atomic wing eating contest.


Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
10 Responses to "Headlies: Triple H Interferes In The National Spelling Bee"
  1. RD Reynolds says:

    If Aurora Rose is ever in a spelling bee, I could easily see this happening.

  2. Hulk6785 says:

    In a surprise twist, Triple H will interfere with the Presidential Election and make Green Party candidate Jill Stein president.

  3. Bonesaw Shaw says:

    Triple H is the type of man who slip a calculator to a contestant in a math team contest.

  4. Al says:

    I knew spelling bees were fake and this proves it!

  5. Geoff says:

    As the confetti was drifting from the ceiling, he took Reynash’s hand and lifted it high in the air. Then both he and Triple H did the DX crotch chop in the direction of Emily and in the direction of the judges and then for the amusement of the audience, Triple H got onto the podium and flexed his muscles a bit.

    Suddenly the lights go out and a bell tolls and from the back of the auditorium the doors slowly open and a bluish light outlines a dark figure in a trench coat and western style cowboy hat. It is none other than the Undertaker. He walks slowly in and then stands beside Emily who looks up in fear at him. He never wavers in his stare at Triple H who looks rather nervious that for some reason the Deadman found him (at a spelling bee of all places). From inside his jacket somewhere, Taker brings out a mic and addresses Triple H:

    Taker: “Hunter. You sank to a new low and you are messing with forces that you cannot hope to comprehend. You thought that our last battle was just that, one… last… battle. Welcome. Welcome to the dark side and to an all new nightmare for you and your partner Reynash. He never was, is, or will be your greatest tag partner Shawn Michaels but you picked him and now you will Rest… In… Peace… along with him. You and me Hunter at the Spelling Bee a mania. It will be your career that will Rest… In… (him and audience) Peace!

    (suddenly the lights go out and when they come back on, he is gone and only Emily stands there with a satisfied smile on her face. Reynash was last seen crying wee wee wee all the way home.

  6. John C says:

    In an attempt to upstage WWE, TNA’s Dixie Carter also tried to interfere with the spelling bee. She of course would show up at a apiary and was stung 1,756 times.

  7. Whorefinder says:

    When Triple H showed up for Reynash, 2/3 of the viewing audience abruptly shut off their TVs in boredom and frustration, while about 1/2 the live spectators filed out in tired resignation that Levesque had decided to destroy the industry of spelling like he had successfully killed wrestling.

    2 months later Triple H had himself crowned National Spelling Champ in an impromptu tournament and held the title 17 times, each time the television audience shrinking as Jim Ross fed the spelling of words into his ear piece. His often final-round word, “sledgehammer”, was so boring, predictable, and uncool that when it was announced ratings dipped as people just gave up.

  8. Doc 902714 says:

    Insert Apollo Creed… er C-R-E-W-S joke somewhere in this Headlie.

  9. Thomas Moffatt says:

    The following week Triple H turned up at another spelling bee and said, “A-huh-a-huh-a-huh-I-am-the-game-a-huh-a-huh-a-huh-that-damn-good!” before Stephanie screeched into a microphone…

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