Headlies: Triple H Excited To Completely Ruin Bray Wyatt

18 Submitted by on Tue, 18 June 2013, 10:00


Greenwich, CT – WWE Superstar and COO Triple H has been awake for hours, unable to sleep due to his excitement over totally ruining up-and-coming wrestler Bray Wyatt.

Bray Wyatt and the Wyatt Family have been appearing in vignettes for the past few weeks on WWE television to rave reviews from fans and those in the business. Seeing the positive buzz for the new group, Triple H has decided to take it upon himself to not only sabotage their debut, but their entire opening run.

Laying in bed, Triple H stared up at the ceiling, a large smile spread across his face. “Oh, boy! I can’t wait for the Wyatts to make their debut,” said a giddy Triple H, kicking his legs underneath his pink zebra-print sheets. “Everyone wants the WWE to get new blood and when we finally give it to them, I’m going to squash the heck out of their hopes and dreams!”

Various scenarios about how to screw-up Bray Wyatt ran through Triple H’s mind. “It should be pretty easy. I already killed Curtis Axel’s push. I could have made him in one night. Instead, I made the main event all about me. Maybe I’ll call Bray fat. Or how about he’s sexually attracted to a turnbuckle. Oh! Oh! I’ll take on all three Wyatts in a handicap match and beat them in under a minute! That’d be perfect!” squealed Triple H.

Awakened by Triple H’s kicks of delight, a beauty mask-covered Stephanie McMahon shouted, “Paul! It’s 3:30 in the morning! I have to get up at 7 to tell the nanny how to raise our children!”

Triple H quickly shut off the light, cuddled his sledgehammer and whispered, “Soon, Bray. Soon.”

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
18 Responses to "Headlies: Triple H Excited To Completely Ruin Bray Wyatt"
  1. Rose Harmon says:

    I really like this one.

  2. patricko says:


    Nice touch with the “have to tell the nanny how to raise our children” bit. Unnecessary to the main point of the story, but ads depth and dimension.

    Sadly, I see it happening when they make their debut.
    Or something really lackluster, like having them beat 3mb or tons of fun for several weeks in a row.

  3. CM PUNK says:

    You should have replaced “Triple H” with “Vince McMahon” considering the fact that Triple H is pretty much in charge of NXT where Bray Wyatt perfected his gimmick.

  4. Raven7309 says:

    “Cuddled his sledgehammer.” Frickin’ brilliant!! 😀
    On another note, I’ve seen Luke Harper from the Wyatt family wrestle locally here in Hamilton, ON in Alpha-1 wrestling. He went by the name “Big Rig” Brody Lee and he led a stable called the “Convoy.” He was the Alpha-1 heavyweight champion when he wrestled here. He had the exact same look as well.

  5. RD Reynolds says:

    Love the sheets!

  6. "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

    Nicely done, Jordan!

  7. Bender says:

    Trips, save yourself the trouble and just go to the WCW archives for Raven in WCW. Don’t try to think, it’s clearly not your best asset.

  8. "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

    You know, this would be a lot funnier if I wasn’t so sure it was probably true…

  9. Sir Thomas says:

    I got to say, this is probably one of the best headlies yet. Great job.

  10. Jamie says:

    Slightly off-topic, but in reference to Curtis Axel, it’s a damn shame these days that winning the Intercontinental Title so soon after your “debut” constitutes a de-push. Once upon a time, that belt meant you were on your way to a huge push.

  11. Frozen Banana Expert says:

    If I could, I would think of ways to bury Bray Wyatt too.

    He hasn’t even debuted yet and is more over than The Miz.

  12. Murphy says:

    Okay first of all our nanny knows how to raise us and my dad does not sleep with his sledgehammer and the only people he thinks about is my mom and my 2 sissters.

  13. Ryu238 says:

    Shouldn’t this be vince?

leave a comment