Headlies: The Undertaker Finally Listens to “Rolling” by Limp Bizkit

9 Submitted by on Mon, 21 November 2016, 08:00


Death Valley, CA – WWE legend The Undertaker finally listened to the song “Rollin’ (Air Raid Vehicle)” by Limp Bizkit and did not like what he heard.

Following the his return on the 900th episode of Smackdown, The Undertaker was riding a wave of nostalgia. After watching several of his Smackdown matches on the WWE Network, Undertaker came to the realization that he had never actually listened to the Limp Bizkit song that served as his entrance music during his “American Badass” phase.

“Between the pyro, the excited crowds, and my motorcycle, I never actually heard the song in it’s entirety,” said Undertaker to his wife Michelle McCool.

“That’s nice, dear,” said McCool as she roller-skated around their kitchen. “Make sure you take out the garbage when you’re done.”

The Dead Man purchased the song on iTunes using the the gift card he received as his Wrestlemania 32 bonus. After waiting several minutes for his iPod nano to sync, Undertaker put in his earbuds and walked out to his garage to throw out the trash.

Undertaker, who has faced countless foes in knock-down, drag-out, bloody fights stopped dead in his tracks. The rap-metal sounds filling his ears were too much for the Superstar to handle. His face contorted as if in complete and utter pain. His eyes twitched as if he was trying to break out of a trance. He tried to scream for help, but could only stutter a few simple syllables.

With lines like “Hot mamas, pimp daddies and the people rollin’ up in caddies. Hey rockers, hip hoppers and everybody all around the world” the Undertaker could take no more. He dropped the garbage, ran back into the house, jumped into bed, and pulled a blanket over his head.

After several hours of trying, McCool was able to coax the Undertaker out from under his blanket by playing the soothing tones of Bret Hart’s “Never Been A Right Time To Say Goodbye.”

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From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
9 Responses to "Headlies: The Undertaker Finally Listens to “Rolling” by Limp Bizkit"
  1. "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

    This is both funny, and probably true.

  2. MistaMaddog says:

    Oh there was much worse stuff from the 2000’s….the X-pac song by Uncle Kracker…{shiver}

    • Tempest_Fennac says:

      I don’t mind the song itself. I don’t think it’s remotely suitable for a wrestler theme though (it’s a bit like how I’ll Be Your Hero isn’t too bad when listened to on its own but it’s laughable when set to footage of Lex Luger doing stuff which is supposedly comparable to fighting in WW2 or bringing about major political change).

  3. John C says:

    Shortly after the shock set in when he realized his good friend The Godfather was playing a character that supported prostitution. All along Taker thought all the hooker references were about The Godfather’s grappling skills.

  4. #OPC says:

    How does he feel about Kid Rock?

  5. Geoff says:

    No. Seriously. How does he really feel?

  6. Brian Jacobs says:

    Someone better not tell him then that Limp Bizkit did many more songs for the WWE like My Way or he’ll go find Frank Sinatra to see if he’s rolling in his grave. Don’t even suggest Machine Gun Kelly around the Undertaker too!

  7. Abe Wallard says:

    The Durstertaker could never replicate this amazing hit by the Deadman himself


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