Headlies: The McMahons Go Trick Or Treating

9 Submitted by on Mon, 31 October 2016, 08:00


Greenwich, CT – Before Monday Night Raw, the McMahon family embarked on their annual trick or treating trip through the posh neighborhoods of Greenwich, Connecticut.

WWE CEO Vince McMahon, who was dressed as a sheriff, led his family on their quest for free candy. “It’s all about the Paydays!” he barked in his typical gravelly voice. “It’s also about Whatchamacallits and Baby Ruths!”

“Dad, I read on one of the dirt sheets that the house on the corner is giving out full Snickers bars. Can we go?” asked Shane McMahon who was dressed as a doctor.

“Ugh! I want to do what I want to do!” said his sister Stephanie.

“What are you supposed to anyway, smellyhead?” said Shane.

“I’m dressed up as a beautiful executive, dum-dum. What are you, an orderly that cleans out bedpans and junk?” shot back Stephanie.

“See, Dad!” shouted Shane. “She doesn’t even know the WWE product! I’m Doctor of Thuganomics John Cena! You should give the company to me!”

“Children. As your fellow parental unit, I advise you to cease and desist all forms of fighting at once,” said their mother Linda.

“The Wicked Witch Of The West is right,” said Vince. “I’ll just have our driver take us over and we’ll all get some of that sweet, sweet free candy which we can repackage and sell as our own!”

After receiving their full-size candies, the McMahons compared notes.

“I got a Reese’s Big Cup!” said Stephanie.

“I got a Twix! That’s like getting two candy bars! Mine is better than Stephanie’s!” said Shane.

“I got The Rock,” said a dejected Triple H who was dressed like a king.

“Well, the way I see it, The Rock got stuck with a sad-ass Toucan Sam looking goofball who spends all this time stroking his sledgehammer if you catch my drift!” said The Rock.

“C’mon, Rocky, be nice,” said Vince.

“Okay, Vince. I’ve got to get back to Hollywood anyway and finish filming my next blockbuster. Call me the next time the ratings dip. See you later, Chaperone!” said The Rock before hopping on his a waiting helicopter.

“One more house and then we have to get to Raw. How about that one?” said Vince pointing to a cardboard box with ‘FREE CANDY’ written on it in crayon.

The group knocked on one of the boxes flaps and emerged a redheaded witch.

“Oooooh what lovely costumes, ya’ll!” she cackled. “How about a delicious candy apple for each of you? It’s loaded with sugar, sugar,”

“No! Don’t take it!” shouted Triple H. “That apple is cursed! Take one bite and you’ll be given useless shares of TNA! That’s no witch! It’s Dixie Carter!”

“Curse you, Triple H! Once day I will be free of the shackles know as TNA Impact Wrestling!” yelled Carter before disappearing in a cloud of smoke.

“Phew! That was a close one!” said Stephanie.

“Come on, everyone. Let’s go to Raw!” said Vince.

“00101010001010101010111010101110101010,” said Linda.

“I love you guys!” said Triple H as the group hugged and then got in their waiting stretch limo.

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
9 Responses to "Headlies: The McMahons Go Trick Or Treating"
  1. John C says:

    The Linda-tron 5000 unit then suggested that Vince and the gang should try on their special Silver Shamrock masks.

  2. Geoff says:

    Just then Bette Midler, Kathy Najimy and Sarah Jessica Parker came sniffing down the street. Sarah kept chanting: Amuck amuck amuck. The three witches came sniffing up to the McMahon brood/coven and looked at them.

    Shane: Oh look Daddy, real witches.

    Steph: Are not. They don’t have green skin and ugly noses and no pointed hats. Remember the time I was one. I had a pointed hat and everything.

    Shane: Yes and you have an even bigger boob job than them.

    Lindatron: Now kids. Don’t fight here. And be nice.

    Hunter: I got this (he walks up to the witches and flexes then says) Are you ready? I am-a the-a game-a.

    (Sarah, Bette and Kathy were last seen running for their lives down the street. Witnesses said they were shouting). Run! We have come upon an force more evil than us! Run! Grab your children and lock them in cages. They are evil! True evil and we cannot abide being less evil.

    The onlookers and townspeople of Greenwich were seen packing up and heading in the direction the witches went.

    Moral of the story: Always choose the lesser of two evils.

  3. whorefinder says:

    The Rock’s takedown of Triple H: worth the price of admission.

  4. Chris says:

    Linda saying the Robotology prayer that Bender said when he found religion. Deep

  5. "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

    Outstanding! Very funny! 🙂

  6. CF says:

    There’s a thought for WWE Films’ next project.

    Ten wrestlers wake up in a six-sided ring, surrounded by a steel cage, inside an empty arena. A puppet on a tricycle rolls up to the cage. It’s mouth open; from it issues the voice of Dixie Carter:

    “Hello — I want to hold a Pay-Per-View….”

  7. MistaMaddog says:

    “I got The Rock…”

    Best Halloween special ever.

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