Headlies: Summer Rae Replaced By A Cyborg, Change Goes Unnoticed

7 Submitted by on Fri, 14 November 2014, 08:00


Roanoke, VA – WWE Diva and co-star of The Marine 4 Summer Rae was recently replaced with a cyborg for the future. Despite the incredible turn of events, both WWE officials and performers did not notice the switch had occurred.

“Lifeless glowing eyes. No emotion. Icy cold hands. Yup, same old Summer,” said her Total Divas co-star Natalya.

“I love the way she robotically moves her arms and rotates the top half of her body 360 degrees,” said her former dance partner Fandango.

No one in the production crew has noticed either, despite Cyborg Rae’s strange behavior during a recording of WWE Countdown.

“New Jack and Sabu were a big part of ECW,” deadpanned Cyborg Rae. “And when they got together, things really got extrrrrrrrrrrrrr010010001001000111010101101. Syntax error 3.2319586. PRIME DIRECTIVE ACHIEVED. ASSIMILATE! CRUSH! KILL! DESTROY!”

Despite this anamatronic outburst, the doppleganger was placed into a match on Raw with Paige. The match quickly deteriorated as Cyborg Rae carelessly clotheslined Paige’s head clean off her body into the fifth row.

“Just like my old buddy Ron Simmons!” screamed JBL to the delight of no one.

Following the decapitation, Cyborg Rae left the ring holding a small picture of John Cena, questioning members of the audience if they knew his whereabouts. Luckily for Cena, we can’t see him, and Rae has yet to find him.

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
7 Responses to "Headlies: Summer Rae Replaced By A Cyborg, Change Goes Unnoticed"
  1. "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:


  2. Thomas Moffatt says:

    Has Nipple H ever been mistaken for a shrieking, squawking parrot?

  3. John C says:

    “The masterplan of the Linda-bot 5000 continues, I will change all of our Superstars into cyborgs and then we will rule the world. That is why you see no blood on tv since most of us are already have already infiltrated the company. The Linda-bot will finally winnan election with enough of us voting for it.”

  4. the14thListener says:

    Sorry to be that guy, but “recently replaced with a cyborg FOR the future?”

    Maybe she can team with cyborg Randy Orton when he gets back from whatever movie as well? Or Cyborg Kurt Angle if he comes back. They’ll be the WWE version of the regrettably now divorced MMA “Cyborg” couple.

  5. YVRay says:

    Why are we slandering Summer Rae now? Summer “overshadowed Fandango by a country mile” Rae? Summer “busted her ass to become a better wrestler” Rae? Summer “was a damned good foil to the likes of Paige and Bayley in NXT” Rae?

    Summer Rae is pretty cool. I understand that we’re hardwired to automatically hate any leggy blond who smiles a lot in modern WWE, but she’s leagues better than the likes of Kelly Kelly or Stacey Keibler. Keep the Diva hate to those who deserve it- Eva Marie and Rosa Mendes.

  6. Sir Thomas says:

    Summer Ray was apparently heard shrieking “EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!” the following Smackdown. Several audience members were killed in the process.

  7. MistaMaddog says:

    At least Randy Orton has another cyborg to play with…

leave a comment