Headlies: Stephanie McMahon Participates In “Scared Straight” Program

5 Submitted by on Fri, 01 August 2014, 08:00


Miami, FL – WWE Chief Brand Officer Stephanie McMahon met with a group of at-risk girls at the Turner Guilford Knight Correctional Center for the state’s “Scared Straight” program.

McMahon, who was recently arrested for striking former WWE Diva Brie Bella, discussed prison life to the girls in a frank and blunt manner.

I don’t care who you are or where you’re from,” said McMahon, now sporting several tattoos. “In here, you’re just a number in a hideously tacky orange jumpsuit. It doesn’t matter if you boost cars or put people in gauntlet matches. We all get the same stuff here. The same slice of non gluten-free bread, the same non-organic fruit, the same water that is clearly from a tap even though I expressly asked for a bottle of Evian.”

Some of the girls giggled, causing McMahon to explode.

Is something funny, ladies?” barked McMahon. “This is prison! This is the real deal. I won’t think twice about signing you to a developmental contract with absolutely no intention of using you! I’ll give you a character that will never get over with the WWE Universe. I will even put you in a romance angle with The Great Khali!”

Several of the girls held back tears as McMahon gave them a tour of facility.

This will be your cell,” said McMahon, showing the girls her room. “No maid service in here. No king-size mattress, million-thread county Egyptian cotton polyblend sheets. Just a pissy mattress and walls covered in doo-doo feces.”

The girls looked at the other rooms, noticing that the walls were “doo-doo feces” free.

So what’s the lesson?” asked McMahon. “The lesson is to stay in school, don’t do drugs, and only slap people who are under contract.

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From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
5 Responses to "Headlies: Stephanie McMahon Participates In “Scared Straight” Program"
  1. John C says:

    One of the more hardcore looking females asked Nipple H if it was anything like a Punjabi Prison in there. “I wish you luck on your future endeavors.”, was Mrs. H’s response she then motioned to one of her minions to shank the unruly female. “Any of you other bitches have more questions for me? Then talk to my second in command, Patricia Patterson? And someone get rid of the body.”

  2. Downtown OPC says:

    Is that “doo doo feces” line referencing Michael Jackson? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGVmWA5CBK0

  3. Thomas Moffatt says:

    Please note: the average Nipple H promo can used as a good cure for insomnia

  4. MrMaddog says:

    That Dr. Girlfriend voice she has would be enough to scare girls away from prison…

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