Headlies: Sin Cara Injured During The Money In The Bank Match

16 Submitted by on Tue, 16 July 2013, 08:00


Philadelphia, PA – WWE high-flyer Sin Cara was injured on Sunday night during the first Money In The Bank ladder match despite not actually participating or even being near the ring.

Early on during the epic battle for a briefcase containing a contract for a championship match, Sin Cara decided to make himself some microwave popcorn in a green room backstage. Ignoring the warning on the bag to wait, Sin Cara opened the steaming bag of of popcorn, scalding his finger tips. In a good deal of pain, Sin Cara made his way to the couch, stubbing his big toe in the process. After accidentally sitting on the remote, the wrestler formerly known as Mystico, bit down on a popcorn kernel, cracking a premolar. As he went to grab his mouth in pain, Sin Cara accidentally poked himself in both eyes. Stumbling blindly, Sin Cara slipped on some imitation butter that had spilled on the floor, sending him careening out an open window into a truck-bed filled with rat traps and salt.

“Mr. Cara is in serious, but stable condition,” said Dr. Jamie Fitchburg. “I’ve never seen anything like it. Mr. Cara’s bones are incredibly weak, almost like peanut brittle. Not even the quality kind of peanut brittle. I’m talking about the year-old kind you find at a dollar store, right next to Larry The Cable Guy Beer Bread mix and misspelled Christmas decorations. I’ve set his many broken bones, repaired his torn ligaments, and replaced the many liters of blood he lost. We’re going to keep him under observation for a few days, but he should be able to go home within the week.”

“We’re looking at a 6-8 month recovery time for Sin Cara,” said Stephanie McMahon. “That may seem like a long time, but at this rate, he’ll still return before Rey Mysterio does. I didn’t even know he was still on the active roster until Hunter told me. Go figure.”

Unable to speak due to biting his tongue, Sin Cara wanted to reassure his fans that he was alright by raising his thumb, which he promptly sprained.

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From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
16 Responses to "Headlies: Sin Cara Injured During The Money In The Bank Match"
  1. GG Duce says:

    Kevin Nash then tore his quad on his way to visit Sin Cara in the hospital.

    • Jeremy says:

      Are we sure Sin Cara isn’t Kevin Nash? He was Triple H’s first big signing after all, it all makes sense now lol

      • Bone White says:

        When you think about it, Jim Ross originally showed up with Sin Cara and also he bought back “Diesel” – the plot thickens

  2. RD Reynolds says:

    Sad to hear. Those premolar injuries can be career-ending.

  3. Bone White says:

    Sin was going to write in and complain about this headlie, but unfortunately he got writers’ cramp and is now out of Summerslam

  4. MJA says:

    I actually would have put him in the WHC MITB match as an 8th member. The match was awesome but a couple of epic Sin Cara botches would have made it match of the year!!

  5. "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

    This is somehow the Road Runner’s fault, I just know it.

  6. Alan says:

    Hilarious! I’m guessing a lawsuit between Sin Cara and Orville Reddenbacher is imminent. I guess that Summer Slam match against Rey Mysterio with Kevin Nash as special guest referee is postponed.

  7. Down With OPC says:

    Clam chowdah!

    • Thomas Moffatt says:

      That’s CHOW-DER!!!

      Seriously hope WWE never read this – They might decide to turn Sin Cara into an Inspector Clouseau style disaster area…

  8. The Foiler says:

    I recall Kevin Nash being trained in the ways of little-guy wrestling by Alex Shelly and Johnny Devine (Divine? Not even going to check). With that kind of mentorship, that could easily be the former wizard/casino hustler/petroleum product himself. I believe he mentioned doing a quadruple somersault.

  9. s1mon86 says:

    I hope Sin Cara’s penis survived, may need him for another t shirt

  10. Matt says:

    He’s the only guy to ever get a paper cut while wiping his ass.

  11. Taisuru says:

    Sin Cara returns on August 19th’s RAW, get’s hangnail in match against Alberto Del Rio, currently in intensive care.

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