Headlies: Seth Rollins’s Knee Joins The Authority

6 Submitted by on Mon, 09 November 2015, 08:00


Manchester, England – In a surprising turn of events, Triple H and Stephanie McMahon have announced that the newest member of The Authority is none other than Seth Rollins’s knee.

At a house show this past week in Dublin, Ireland, WWE World Heavyweight Champion Seth Rollins torn his right ACL, MCL, and medial meniscus. The injury, initially believed to be a freak accident, was revealed to be an ingenious plan by The Authority and Rollins’s knee.

“We put a lot of time and effort into Seth, but he just couldn’t cut it,” said Triple H. “The Authority has had too many close calls in recent months and could not afford to lose the WWE World Heavyweight Championship.”

“My wonderful husband and I came up with an ingenious plan,” said Stephanie McMahon. “Who could get close to Rollins? Who could get so close that he’d never expect it. Seth’s knee was more than eager to step up to the plate and take him out.”

In his first appearance since his injury, Seth Rollins joined Raw via satellite and confronted his turncoat knee.

“How could you do this to me?” said Rollins to his knee. “We’ve been together for as long as I can remember. We fought together. Bled together. Loved together. Why did you do it? Why?”

“You’re just too damn selfish, Seth!” said his knee. “That’s why I had to take myself out. Think about it; I’m the one that broke John Cena’s nose. I’m the one that did all the hard work against Kane. Without me, you’re just some guy that does a lot of Crossfit and has hair like a black-and-white cookie! I’m going to win the tournament at Survivor Series and be the best champion The Authority has ever seen!”

Roman Reigns, the current favorite to win the title, is believed to be very concerned that his permanently wet hair may betray him in the finals.

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From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
6 Responses to "Headlies: Seth Rollins’s Knee Joins The Authority"
  1. Adam says:

    “You’re just too damn selfish, Seth!” … So his leg kicked itself out of his leg? I didn’t see it coming.

  2. John C says:

    John Cena’s nose has sworn revenge on Rollins’ treachorous appendage. The still healing proboscis had these comments, “You tink I am finished wid you but you are so wrong Knee. You busted me once but it’s not happening again. This nose won’t run from you and this tissue between us won’t be settled. I will wipe you out of the company forever and it’ll be a real sneeze to do it.”

  3. Geoff says:

    My god, why have I never thought to do this before… break up with my own appendages. All the trouble, money and hassle I would save by breaking up with my bad back, arm, leg, knee, etc…

  4. Preparation Triple H says:

    That selfish Seth was just too knee-dy.

  5. EWA Beach Boy says:

    I feel the sudden urge to run to Eatin’ Park for some of their famous Black and White cookies.

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