Headlies: Seth Rollins Burns Down A Spirit Halloween Store

9 Submitted by on Mon, 28 October 2019, 08:00

Davenport, IA – On Saturday, WWE Universal Champion Seth Rollins set fire to a display in the Spirit Halloween store on 53rd and Elmore.

Witnesses described the scene as chaotic.

“I’m here with my two kids to get costumes for their school Halloween parade and this maniac lights a bunch of matches and screams ‘Burn it down!’” said Earl Fosse.

“We were doing an inventory on our gallon jugs of fake blood in the back when we started to smell smoke,” said store manager Mckenzie Nelson. “I look out and see a man spinning giant red belt above his head. It was so bizarre.”

“Roman Reigns never lit anything on fire,” said 8-year old Billy Zerkas.

Several fire companies from the surrounding area were called in to contain the blaze. Luckily no injuries were reported.

“Yowie wowie!” said Muscatine fire chief Samuel Krueger. “I haven’t seen a fire like that since that time JR interviewed Kane!”

Investigators believe that the cheaply made costumes and Rollins’ naturally greasy hair, acted as an accelerant. The store was engulfed in flames within minutes and took several hours to extinguish.

Despite several eyewitnesses and Rollins admitting that he set the fire, police have declined to arrest him because he did not hit anyone with a mallet.

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
9 Responses to "Headlies: Seth Rollins Burns Down A Spirit Halloween Store"
  1. John C says:

    As long as he leaves Party City alone he should be fine.

  2. Jerry says:

    Late to an appointment? Unable to find your keys? Didn’t think of your wedding day again?
    Ask the Fiend to remind you by joining the WWE Fiend Notification Service.

    The Fiend never forgets.

  3. Chris V says:

    “Listen, it was the right thing to do, ok? The place is full of monsters! I know they’re all monsters, because they’re all wearing scary masks. I had no choice.
    I mean, I went in there, and I started hitting everyone with all these objects, and they refused to be pinned. So, then I got out this sledgehammer, ok?
    I mean, afterwards, I thought that maybe I went too far, but then I saw these red lights flashing in the store’s window, and I thought it must still be full of monsters.
    So, I did the only sensible thing. A voice in my head said, ‘Burn it down!’. So, that’s what I did.
    I’m sure you can understand my side of this story. Monsters! Scary masks!”

  4. Thomas Moffatt says:

    Vince McMahon chose to answer the comments of 8 year old Billy Zerkas directly –

    Roman would never burn anything down because he is a good boy who never plays with matches. He always eats his vegetables and says his prayers. When he stays over at my home he has never once accused my son-in-law of being a doofus or referred to any of Stephanie’s ideas as stupid. He always drinks his milk and takes his ‘vitamins’ and not once has he questioned why his ass is sore and red in the morning…

  5. Adam says:

    The best thing about this, is I know exactly where that’s at because my grandma used to live in that part of town.

  6. Sid Markbuster says:

    Seth Rollins is from the same town as me!

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