Headlies: Samoa Joe Joins WWE as “Jimmy Jack Uso”

10 Submitted by on Fri, 27 February 2015, 08:00


San Francisco, CA – Contrary to reports that he has signed with ROH, WWE officials announced that they have signed former TNA star Samoa Joe and have already repackaged him.

Joe, famous for his intense wrestling style and no-nonsense attitude, will be rechristened as Jimmy Jack Uso, the masked cousin of WWE tag team champions Jimmy and Jay Uso. WWE unveiled Jimmy Jack in a press conference yesterday.

“We here at WWE are proud to have Jimmy Jack Uso joining the roster,” said Stephanie McMahon. “The Usos are a force to be reckoned with, even though I can’t tell which one is which. At least I can tell the difference between Jimmy Jack and the twins,” said McMahon patting Jimmy Jack’s belly. “Plus, it’ll make writing way easier when he inevitably turns on them. I mean, we can’t have three Samoans wearing boots and speaking perfect English.”

“Yeeehaw, partners,” said the masked Jimmy Jack flatly. “Shucks, I’m just glad to finally be in the dubya-dubya E to help out my kin, Jay and Jimmy. We’re going to hog tie that Swiss Miss and that Canadian Kidd and have a big ol’ hoedown afterwards. Uce!”

After seeing him, Vince McMahon is currently toying with the idea of eventually giving Jimmy Jack Uso a “Nation of Pies and Chips”.

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
10 Responses to "Headlies: Samoa Joe Joins WWE as “Jimmy Jack Uso”"
  1. Anthony says:

    Wow….that would be hilariously awesome, actually.

  2. Drew says:

    Is that Joe’s high school graduation photo? He’s gained about 5,000 pounds since that was taken.

  3. Vealchop says:

    Just stay away from Meng.

  4. Fart says:

    My prediction for Joe if he joined WWE is he’d get a good push in NXT and eventually win the IC or US title on WWE TV as a heel, but then get turned face removing all momentum and get depushed. WWE has sadly done this quite regularly, most recently with Ambrose. It’s the exact opposite problem as TNA booking has, as TNA keeps turnings its faces heel for no good reason and/or having them jobbed when they’re doing well.

    Actually, they could make Joe into ‘Just Joe’ 2015.

  5. Geoff says:

    I’d vote for him. Campaign platform would be “Just Joe 2016. Change is coming. Because. Just Joe!”

    • the14thListener says:

      I would crack up if WWE just tried to reuse all the old Just Joe music and videos, maybe with a badly photoshopped “Samoa” in front the “Joe.” Kurt Angle’s music was just the Patriot’s, right?

      We’d first have to see how he did in NXT as “Jamoa Soe.”

  6. John C says:

    Just so long as it’s not Lance Von Uso.

  7. "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

    Outstanding, Jordan!

  8. theslimjames says:

    Samoa Joe becomes Samuel Jones, some guy in NXT. Amazing.

  9. Aureian says:

    Well, you guys weren’t to far off on this one. He really DID wind up in WWE.

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