Headlies: Ryback’s Insatiable Appetite Forces A Golden Corral Buffet To Close

17 Submitted by on Fri, 19 April 2013, 10:01


Spartansburg, SC – Following his biting promo on this week’s Monday Night RAW in Greenville, South Carolina, WWE Superstar Ryback had a celebratory meal at a Golden Corral. Unfortunately for the restaurant, Ryback’s chant of “Feed me more!” proved disastrous to their bottom line, forcing them to close.

“We were so excited to have a real celebratory eating dinner here,” said restaurant manager Chester Banks. “We had RAW playing on the TVs like we do every week and couldn’t believe when Mr. The Ryback came in. I figured he worked up a mighty big appetite, so we set him up with a bacon wrapped sirloin, ribs, 2 chicken pot pies, a mess of rolls, some potato salad, a bowl of broccoli cheese soup, and a slice of chocolate cake. He’s a big guy, but we get bigger on a regular basis. That’s why our chairs have wheels, you see. I thought that’d be enough for him. It was gone in seconds.”

19-year old server Sheila Lewis knew something was amiss when Ryback placed his order. “I asked him what he wanted to drink and he just yelled ‘Gravy!’. By the time I came back to the table with a pitcher of gravy, he had already grabbed entire trays of country fried steak, jumbo shrimp, and butter noodles from the hot buffet line for himself. I came back an hour later and asked if he was done with his third meat lover’s pizza. He just screamed “Finish it!” before slapping his head and shoving the entire thing into his mouth.”

Patron Richard Cheng tried to get an autograph from Ryback, which led to disastrous results. “He poured chocolate sauce on my arm and bit me!” screamed Richard as he was being placed into an ambulance.

The feeding frenzy lasted well after closing and stopped only when WWE trainer Bill DeMott came in to collect Ryback. Covered in barbeque sauce and ranch dressing, Ryback sheepishly looked at the floor and muttered, “Aw, c’mon Bill. I’m not done yet.” Demott proceeded to grab Ryback’s ear and drag him out of the restaurant.

“He cleaned out our entire supply of food in one night. He even ate some of the furniture. The only thing he left was the creamed corn. No one eats the creamed corn,” said Banks. “We’re going to have to close down now. That’s all there is to it.”

Ryback was last seen sneaking into a Cracker Barrel at 3AM.

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
17 Responses to "Headlies: Ryback’s Insatiable Appetite Forces A Golden Corral Buffet To Close"
  1. Kenneth WiseE says:

    I can so see this happening in real life!

  2. John Matrix says:

    Not even the plastic lobsters were spared.

  3. "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

    He got there just before The Big Show and Akebono and boy were they mad!

  4. CarlMarksGuy says:

    Area McDonalds are advised to move any large rocks or small boulders away from their windows.

  5. "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

    I’d rather eat a turnbuckle than a steak from Golden Corral.

  6. Down With OPC says:

    This reminds me of the time Matt Hardy when in a restaurant and ate everything in the restaurant and they had to close the restaurant.

  7. Ripplin says:

    Another ‘celebratory’ that can’t control himself at the buffet. 😉

  8. RD Reynolds says:

    “I bet he just goes to the buffet and pulls up a chair.” – Bobby Heenan

  9. John Q Occupier says:

    Hey! I like creamed corn!

  10. Bernie Lomax says:

    I’d rather have Ponderosa than Golden Corral.

  11. Alan says:

    This is the most hilarious thing I’ve seen in quite some time! Awesome work!

  12. Frozen Banana Expert says:

    Did anyone else get the “Hungry, Hungry” Ken Patera vibe from this headlie?

  13. GG Duce says:

    Did he call any of the food items “STUPID!” before devouring them? I know I do.

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