Headlies: Roman Reigns’s Wrestlemania Entrance To Include Piggyback Ride From Vince McMahon

8 Submitted by on Mon, 21 March 2016, 08:00


Dallas, TX – With just mere weeks away until Wrestlemania 32, preparation has already begun for the extravagant entrance for Roman Reigns. WWE CEO Vince McMahon has personally been planning the entrance for months and commenced a walk-through at AT&T Stadium.

“Alright, I want the F-15’s to fly over head right before Roman’s music hits,” said Vince McMahon, giving direction to several workers. “I want the fireworks timed to every guitar squeal. Did you get those sketches I drew you?”

“Yes, Mr. McMahon. The cocktail napkin was very helpful,” said one worker.

“Kevin, I want lots of shots of women swooning over Roman. Try to see if any are about to faint,” said McMahon to television director Kevin Dunn. “Then focus in real tight on his beautiful, sculpted face. I want you to capture the determination in his eyes and the shimmer of his glacier water-soaked hair.”

“You’ve got it, Vince,” said Dunn from inside McMahon’s shadow.

‘Now it’s a long way to walk through the massive Wrestlemania crowd, so I will be giving Roman a piggyback ride down to the ring. We don’t want him to stub his toe or twist his ankle. We have to keep him healthy!”

The group surrounding McMahon stopped taking notes and gave him a look of concern.

“What, you don’t think I can’t do it? Here, look,” said an incredulous McMahon while picking up Dunn.

“WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” shouted Dunn, his legs kicking wildly as McMahon carried him down a flight of stairs. “I’ve dreamed of this day for so long! I’ve never felt so alive!”

“Told you I could do it!” said McMahon who then flung Dunn off his back, sending him down several flights of concrete stairs.

“Now, once I carry Roman down to the ring, he’ll dismount, I’ll give him a tender kiss on his cheek, whisper ‘I love you’ in his ear, and he’ll climb in the ring. That’s when I want the rose petals to fall from scoreboard and the choir to start singing.”

“Best..Wrestlemania…ever!” croaked a badly injured Dunn.

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
8 Responses to "Headlies: Roman Reigns’s Wrestlemania Entrance To Include Piggyback Ride From Vince McMahon"
  1. John C says:

    “And damnit make sure you plant the subliminal messages during his entrance theme. Use the Obey Roman, buy Roman merchandise, love Roman and the stop cheering Ambrose special recordings I made on the 8 track machine. And on The Titantron we’ll flash the Obey, Purchase and Worship Roman signs in the video as well. And if all else fails we change his name to Daniel Reigns or Bryan Romanilson.”

  2. Geoff says:

    Not the worst idea he has ever come up with. However his cackle this time lasted a mere 39 minutes. Thus breaking his old record of 38 minutes and 55 seconds. When told of this, other superstars of WWE responded:

    Dean Ambrose: Good for him. He finally deserves that McMahon piggy back ride.

    Seth Rollins: I would give him the piggyback but my knees belong to the authority now.

    Undertaker: 25 damn years and I never got a piggy back ride! I want a piggy back ride!

    Triple H: Now he’ll know how I feel when I get carried out on my throne in my WM entrances. (thinks for a moment) Eh, I like my girl slaves better (Steph hits him on the arm as she is sitting right next to him) What? It’s true!

    John Cena: Real men don’t need piggybacks.

    Bayly: AWESOME! He is so hot!

    Lana: What is this, piggyback, you speak of? I thought that all American citizen was doing that on your government.

    More details will emerge as we get closer to the Wrestlemania weekend.

  3. Brian Jacobs says:

    Someone now has to draw or find a picture of Dunn getting a piggyback ride from Vince as well with a giant WEEEE! shout bubble. Funny as always, if scary that this is creepier than ‘Ambreigns.’

  4. Raven7309 says:

    Roman Reigns forced push 2015-16, back to back Wrestlemania main events=Lex Luger forced push/”Lex Express” 1993.

  5. Mark Smart says:

    Vince carries him to the ring, Hunter carries him in the ring. In a cruel twist of fate, Vince’s excitement gets the better of him and he tries to perform a standing leap to the apron like Brock Lesnar, with Roman on his back and blows out both quads and re aggravates his neck and back injuries from a few months ago.

    Stubborn as always, Vince refuses help or medical attention and sits on the apron in suppressed pain for the entire duration of the match. However, Vince’s looming presence distracts Reigns and he freezes up, locking Triple H in a side headlock for 15 minutes……his unnatural icy blue eyes darting back and forth desperately trying to come up with a plan as Triple H uses this time to formulate his 30 minute opening promo tomorrow night on Raw.

    As the boos grow deafening, Triple H has a creative idea and reversse Reigns into a spinebuster and it buys them another 10 minutes on their backs. By this point, Vince’s hemorrhoids are really barking and commands them to pick up the pace DAMMIT! Realizing the urgency, Triple H scraps the technical masterpiece he had mapped out and just tells Roman to start spamming Superman Punches and Spears. after about 5 of each, Triple H feels like that should be enough to keep him down and let’s Roman cover him for the pin. As the ref’s hand hits the mat for 3, Vince immediately ejaculates which causes him to have some kind of weird seizure at ringside. WrestleMania 32 ends with Roman catching falling confetti in his mouth as Vince lights up a post climax Newport looking very satisfied and content.

    • Leatherface says:

      Just love the comments here. Wonder if Rock will make a run-in to help his cousin?

      • Caveman says:

        Rock will be hiding underneath the ring and wearing a wig, and a couple of minutes into the match they’ll do the switch because they “look the same” and Roman will try to rest and recharge for 30 minutes, but will be greeted by a foul stench from a bucket his cousin left him as a present, until it’s time for his big finish, where they switch spots again.

  6. Gotchism For Life says:

    I lost it with Vince picking up Dunn and the “Wheeeee!”

    Too funny!

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