Headlies: Raw Defeats Smackdown At Thanksgiving

3 Submitted by on Mon, 26 November 2018, 08:00

Greenwich, CT – WWE’s Raw brand continued their winning streak from Survivor Series, soundly defeating Smackdown with a sumptuous and delectable Thanksgiving meal.

Stephanie McMahon welcomed the Raw roster into her palatial mansion. Wrestlers theme songs by the Connecticut Philharmonic Orchestra greeted each guest. Cocktails and hors d’oeuvres were served in the McMahon study beside a roaring fire.

An incredible Thanksgiving dinner prepared by the finest chefs on the east coast followed. Multiple turkeys dotted the enormous table, surrounded by incredible sides. Cranberry sauce made from local cranberry bogs, various stuffings, fresh mashed potatoes, and all the name-brand sodas delighted the guests. For dessert, Triple H had a cake flow in directly from Paris.

WWE CEO Vince McMahon proudly gave a champagne toast to everyone involved with Raw. He personally thanked each member of the brand. McMahon generously promised a large Christmas bonus was on the way.

On the other side of town, members of the Smackdown roster crammed into Shane McMahon’s tiny studio apartment. The room was nestled snuggly between the train tracks and an all-night bowling alley. Shane set up several rickety card tables and a variety of lawn chairs. He proudly presented his guests with a medley of canned ravioli, microwaved peas, and Salisbury steaks.

“I couldn’t believe Dollar General just threw out those perfectly good Banquet frozen dinners,” said Shane proudly.

The apartment’s sole light bulb began to flicker, signaling an oncoming train.

“Oops, everyone raise your plates!” suggested McMahon. “Don’t want to break any more of my commemorative Super Bowl XLI plates. Anyone need some more Citrus Drop or Dr. Thunder?”

The group ate their meal in uncomfortable silence. Several wrestlers shivered from the cold.

“Sorry about the heat guys. My landlord promised to fix it last week, but hasn’t come by yet,” explained McMahon. “We can warm ourselves up by singing some Smackdown theme songs. Who wants to sing some Marilyn Manson?”

Vince McMahon addressed the Smackdown crew via speaker phone. A last-minute house show was booked in Poughkeepsie tomorrow afternoon and they needed to leave immediately.

Smackdown swore revenge for Night Three of Chanukah.

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
3 Responses to "Headlies: Raw Defeats Smackdown At Thanksgiving"
  1. Brandon says:

    Hell, Shane’s meal didn’t sound that bad.

  2. Jim says:

    Smackdown might have still had a chance, if Shane hadn’t climbed on top of his refrigerator and dropped an elbow through the dinner table.

  3. John C says:

    The only uncomfortable situation for Team Raw occured over the 378 times when Mr. McMahon would scream, “Who wants to see my giblets!!!!!!!!”, and they were forced to laugh or face the wrath of a free swinging Nia Jax.

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