Headlies: Randy Orton Hits An RKO Out Of Somewhere

18 Submitted by on Mon, 20 April 2015, 08:00


Providence, RI – WWE Superstar Randy Orton stunned the Smackdown audience this week when he hit an RKO from out of somewhere.

Orton, known for hitting his patented RKO finishing move from “out of nowhere”, was scene blatantly reaching underneath the ring apron. The “viper” carefully carried the RKO into the ring and promptly used it on Kane to win the match. The highly excitable Jerry Lawler screamed “An RKO from out of…well, somewhere!”

After the match, Orton revealed that he has actually been acquiring his RKO’s from a local shop outside of his hometown of St. Louis, Missouri.

“Pop’s RKO Shop, located in the center of Ladue, Missouri, has been providing Orton and others with quality RKO’s and other assorted finishing moves for over 35 years,” said owner Brent “Pop” Wilkes. “I remember when Randy was just a little boy. He’d come in with his Daddy and try out all the finishing moves whenever a new batch came in. He’d be hitting RKO’s from sunup to sundown.”

On Orton’s recommendation, several other wrestlers have begun to hit their finishing moves from out of somewhere. Seth Rollins now hits his Curb Stomp from an artisinal gluten-free shop in San Francisco and Big Show purchased a box of knockout punches off eBay. Zack Ryder still can’t decide what his finishing move will be since he never gets to use one.

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
18 Responses to "Headlies: Randy Orton Hits An RKO Out Of Somewhere"
  1. "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

    Ha! Very good! 🙂

  2. Nick Nutter says:

    This was so g*dd*m funny, I didn’t think it could get any better after reading the preview, and then I saw the picture! And then it kept getting funnier! And then the ending just made me sad. Poor Zack.

  3. Al says:

    I wanna know where Cena shops. He seems to get at least 2 free AA’s for every match, triple that for PPV’s. I can’t even find anyone selling them!

  4. TK says:

    So that’s where Orton traded out that horrible Overdrive finisher to get the RKO (for those who played the Smackdown vs. Raw video game series you’ll know what I mean)!

  5. Drew says:

    Please let me know as soon as possible the address of the Stink Face shop that Rikishi patronized. I need a gift for my ex-wife.

  6. RD Reynolds says:

    Poor Zack. Awesome work as always, Jordan!

  7. Lee W. says:

    Boom boom ksht

  8. Geoff says:

    Got a shop out here in California that sells old school moves like the Bearhug, piledriver, legdrop, missile drop kick and atomic drop. I think the abdominal stretch is on sale now for 50% off.

  9. The Doctor of Style says:

    Very clever!

  10. Preparation Triple H says:

    Shouldn’t this also be in the “Someone Bought This” category?

  11. Jeremy says:

    So that must be why Rollins stopped using the Curb Stomp, they sold out and WWE probably won’t be going back to San Francisco for a little while yet.

  12. Cole Raven says:

    This was funny when Kayfabe News did it a couple of years ago.
    Here, not so much.

  13. Conquistador #3 says:

    They’ve been trying to give away a ghostbuster suplex for ages now. Use one and get free High Energy taxicab tights!

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