Headlies: Outback Jack Makes Triumphant Return At Super Show-Down

4 Submitted by on Mon, 08 October 2018, 08:00

Melbourne, Australia – The wrestling world was stunned this weekend as former WWF wrestling legend Outback Jack made his triumphant return to the company.

The special event took, which took place in Melbourne, featured a list of current and future WWE Hall of Famers. While local fans were pleased to see their fellow Australians Buddy Murphy and The Iiconics come out on top, the loudest reaction of the night occurred when Jack made his way to the ring.

Undertaker had been battling with Triple H for some time when the familiar jangle of Outback Jack’s theme song played over the loudspeakers. He sauntered to the ring, taking time to shave the stubble off his face with a large knife.

Bewildered, Undertaker and Triple H tried to continue their match. As Undertaker lifted his opponent into a Tombstone, Jack unleashed his devastating finishing maneuver, the Boomerang clothesline. As a result of both men being hit, the match was ruled a double-disqualification. The hometown crowd did not seem to mind despite the lack of a conclusive finish.

“I am so happy to be returning to the doub-ya doub-ya E,” said Jack, wiping away a tear. “I’ve been in the bush for too long, fighting dingoes and playing “Knifey-Spoony”. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but these fans are amazing. I tip my Foster’s to them. It’s enough to make you chunder. Finally, the Jack is ready to attack!”

Due to the disqualification, a three-way match is scheduled between Undertaker, Triple H, and Outback Jack for later next year.

“WWE Super Show-Down is a special event that called for a special return,” said Vince McMahon to a group of reporters. “Naturally, we wanted to do something for the home country. We pulled out all the stops to make it happen, but it was worth it to bring the people of Australian the biggest Australian wrestler of all time!”

“What about Bill Dundee or The Fabulous Kangaroos?” asked one reporter. “They’re legends here in Australia.”

“Done-Dee?” asked McMahon, his brow furrowed in thought. “Nope, never heard of him. If he’s as good as you say he is, we’d be happy to give him a tryout in NXT.”

McMahon jumped into the pouch of a waiting kangaroo that hopped off towards the airport.

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
4 Responses to "Headlies: Outback Jack Makes Triumphant Return At Super Show-Down"
  1. John C says:

    Jack will unveil his new finisher at the show, the dreaded back hand slap which will devastate both opponents simultaneously and somehow impregnate Nipple H. O.J. (only his close personal friends may call him that) will then be annihilated by a Roman Reigns’ Superman punch which also unimpregnates Steph but amazingly reimpregnates her with his luxurious seed.

  2. Christopher Haydu says:

    I was against this match from the start because I don’t think Undertaker should have ever come back again after losing to Roman Reigns . If he just has to come back, though, it actually would have been pretty good if Nathan Jones came back and interfered in the fnish to cost Undertaker the match. At least it would have made sense because Undertaker and Nathan Jones wrestled at WrestleMania.

    • Captain Obvious says:

      They did! OMG I missed that. Did the Streak end? Did the Colossus from Bogo Road (wherever the hell that is) with his sloppy moveset handicap Taker. Or was his career-defining moment just one big show and a train that went off the tracks by year’s end?

  3. Jim says:

    Funny story. I live in Australia, and did not see a single advertisement for this show. I didn’t know about it until after it took place.

    Apparently wrestling promotions no longer, you know, promote.

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