Headlies: Original Friar Ferguson Character Sketches Discovered

10 Submitted by on Fri, 06 March 2015, 08:00


Greenwich, CT – WWE Archivist Benjamin Brown has announced the discovery of long-forgotten character designs for former WWF Superstar Friar Ferguson.

“It really is quite remarkable,” said Brown. “Many fans will remember the short-lived ‘mad monk’ Friar Ferguson for his brown robe, Gregorian chant theme music, and sitting on his opponent’s face, but few know that this was not the original vision for the character. These sketches prove it.”

Brown’s discovery includes multiple design drawings and hand-written notes from Vince McMahon himself. The sketches show that the character was a fast food worker named Fryer Ferguson, played by Mike Shaw.

“We were looking to have a tie-in with McDonald’s,” said Vince McMahon. “I had never tried one of their hamburger sandwiches, but I know a winner when I see it. We had it all planned out: Fryer was going to be a fry cook, sporting a McDonald’s visor and name tag. He’s toss out french fries to the fans and his moveset would adjust to items that McDonald’s was advertising at the time. In March, his finishing move would be ‘The Shamrock Shake’ a variation on the swinging neckbreaker. When the McRib came back, Fryer would use an abdominal stretch. It would’ve been great.”

When asked why the partnership never took place, McMahon said, “That stupid Arch Deluxe.”

The Arch Deluxe was a burger heavily promoted by McDonald’s in the mid 1990’s that proved to be a financial flop. With heavy losses, the hamburger company canceled it’s deal with WWF, depriving the world of a fast food working wrestler.

“It’s a real shame,” said Brown. “As we can see from the designs, Fryer Ferguson was going to come to the ring with an actual frying basket, still dripping with hot cooking oil. Plus, his theme music was going to be a bubbling cooking noise. It would have been incredible and delicious.”

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
10 Responses to "Headlies: Original Friar Ferguson Character Sketches Discovered"
  1. "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

    Great job, Jordan! 🙂

  2. Gabriel Benson says:

    This was so good, I could see Vince actually green lighting this. Shut up and take my money!

  3. Preparation Triple H says:

    I’m lovin’ it!

  4. Caveman says:

    Too bad the McDonald’s Real Deal didn’t work out. Just imagine clumsy, yet lovable Fryer Ferguson working his shift when hard workers like the plumber T.L. Hopper, garbage man Duke Droese, construction worker Stephen Regal, Tatanka of the Buffalo! Indian Casino, Tax Collector Irwin R. Schyster, the repo man Barry Darsow, Nascar driver Thurman Plugg, college dean Dean Douglas, dentist Isaac Yankem and the likes came to his place in their lunch break or after work to order food but Fryar took too long so they’d fail to get back to their jobs on time or to the Goon’s hockey games, Abe Schwartz’ baseball games, the Ringmaster’s wrestling games, Phantasio’s magic show, and whatever else they’d have spent their hard earned money to buy tickets for that evening. Sometimes even a hungry Undertaker himself would show up at the graveyard shift. It could have been the advent of the Hardcore division right there! They’d wreak havoc on Fryer and the restaurant due to being disgruntled and hungry, leaving the hamburgers vulnerable to the Hamburglar, which in a shocking swerve would turn out to be the Darsow’s “secret” identity who’d have deliberately stirred the pot to cause all the havoc.
    Once the dust settled, McDonald’s newly repackaged boss Ronald McDoinkald would come into the store and berate poor, crying Fryer Ferguson who’d have been deeply stuck in the deep fryer with his ass, which would’ve resulted in his epic nickname “Deep” Fryer Ferguson, for not calling the police. Fryer would say his catchphrase “But I did!”, just as the Big Bossman or the Mountie (depending in which country the WWF show was held in that day) would arrive late at the scene of the crime because they had to stop on the way to the scene of the crime for donuts or maple syrup, respectively, resulting in Ronald McDoinkald rolling his eyes into the camera and exclaiming “Oooh, Fryer!” as everyone on the scene engaged in a fake laugh.

    Due to the inevitable success of this angle that would’ve had re-defined wrestling forever, the Attitude Era would’ve never had started, as WCW would have copied the angle in their own deal with Burger King and opted to raid the WWF for talent like “The Burger King” Jerry Lawler instead of names like Hogan, Hall, Nash, etc..

  5. John C says:

    The young superstars these days wouldn’t go for this because none of them are willing to reach out for the brass onion ring.

  6. MistaMaddog says:

    They also reworked Ronald McDonald into Doink The Clown…

  7. 80's Guy says:

    I actually liked the Arch Deluxe….

  8. Down With OPC says:

    The whole McDonald’s deal must still have been in the workings when “Chilly McFreeze” was suggested for Stone Cold.

  9. Aureian says:

    Actually, Friar Ferguson really WASN’T Mike Shaw’s first WWE character. He gained much more fame in 1994-95 as the disgusting “Bastion Booger”. He also played the character of long distance trucker, “Norman the Lunatic” for WCW.

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