Headlies: Only 21% of WWE Network Revenue Goes Toward Curing Raw’s Dullness

8 Submitted by on Mon, 10 October 2016, 14:42


While WWE Network has been a godsend for wrestling fans of all ages that enjoy the sort of tailored viewing experience that a vast on-demand library can provide, a recent revelation shows that the money given by said fans isn’t going to the right places.

A new study conducted by the Institute of Deflecting Raw’s Ratings Woes Away From Characters We Enjoy claims that a mere 20.9 percent of the revenue generated from WWE Network’s estimated 1.1 million domestic subscribers is actually used to find a cure for the creative black hole that feasts upon Monday Night Raw.

“I send my ten dollars a month in the hopes of instituting change in the wrestling world,” said Michael Yarnic of Ravenna, OH. “Monday Night Raw has been plagued for a long time with what look to be curable woes. Now I find out that instead of spending as much money as possible working toward a cure, they’re just inflating the salaries of their executives! They’re getting fat off of my dollar, when they’re supposed to be making a difference!”

With a mere fifth of all Network revenue reportedly going toward actual research that would benefit Raw and its emotionally-drained viewers, it has also been claimed by the IDRRWAFCWE that 39.1 percent of Network intake goes toward “education”. In this instance, “education” is reported to include the spin-doctoring employed on WWE-licensed DVD biographies, as well as written publications such as books and magazines, and whatever drivel that spiritually-vacant Michael Cole is capable of uttering with a straight face. An additional 11.3 percent is allocated toward “administrative costs”, which include buying the pink tape needed to wrap the middle ring rope with.

Critics have noted that even if it’s just 20.9 percent of Network revenue being used for researching ways to improve Raw’s condition, that positive results are still not evident.

“Where exactly is that money going?” asks IDRRWAFCWE spokesman Christopher Forth. “If the results of their research are coming back with ‘more authority figures’ or ‘stay at three hours’, then I figure they must be pocketing the money, maybe to offset whatever they lost on that investment in Tout.

“I just think that if they’re going to spend so much money marketing themselves, they’d wanna cobble together a more-watchable flagship show first.”

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Justin Henry is WrestleCrap's inquiring newsman, thirsting for knowledge always. He enjoys the art of satire, as you'll find in many of his works here at WrestleCrap. Drop him a line on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/notoriousjrh) and Twitter (http://www.twitter.com/jrhwriting)
8 Responses to "Headlies: Only 21% of WWE Network Revenue Goes Toward Curing Raw’s Dullness"
  1. Geoff says:

    Yet Dixie wonders what she is doing wrong. Does that seem right to you?

  2. Thomas Moffatt says:

    Unconfirmed reports suggest that Vince McMahon would be willing to input some extra cash if the WWE Universe made a little effort into embracing and supporting Roman Reigns 100%.

  3. Fake fake Razor Ramon says:

    Hey, it ain’t cheap having Stephanie bury talent & annoy every viewer. That money’s gotta come from somewhere.

  4. John C says:

    A full 11% of proceeds will go into the research department so they concoct a special gimmick match for the upcoming Goldberg-Lesnar encounter. Vince’s interest was piqued upon hearing Vince Russo on his podcast suggesting a Dreidel on a Pole which would represent Goldberg & Paul Heyman’s ancestory. A cooler thinking Paul Levesque popped a VHS tape of people farting to amuse his father in law while he contacted Stamford Labs to find a cure for the tedium of the future Goldberg-Lesnar encounter.

  5. Adam says:

    Huh, I forgot about Tout… is that still a thing, or did it die already?

    • "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

      I just checked and it’s still a thing but it seems to be about as popular as MySpace. I wonder if Gay Popeye is on it?

  6. Geoff says:

    Gaypopeyeonmyspace. A URL that I would bet is not taken no will ever be taken.

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