Headlies: Moppy Revealed As James Ellsworth’s Mother

8 Submitted by on Mon, 31 July 2017, 08:00

Richmond, VA – In an emotional segment on Smackdown Live, WWE Attitude Era legend Moppy was revealed to be James Ellsworth’s mother.

For weeks, Ellsworth has been seen taking secretive phone calls during the show. Many believed that it was Ellsworth’s new girlfriend from Canada that no one has ever seen, but totally exists and is going to make Carmella realize that she actually loves him, according to Ellsworth.

“For years, I’ve been trying to find my real mother,” said Ellsworth addressing the live crowd. “My father always told me she was in the WWE, so for the past few months I’ve been secretly collecting DNA samples from every past and present wrestler, crew member, and office personnel. Men and women. I wanted to cover all my bases,” said Ellsworth, lacking a basic knowledge of human biology and reproduction.

The crowd groaned in uncomfortable disapproval.

“By the way, Big Show, you can have your undies back,” said Ellsworth holding up a large pair of boxer shorts with pink hearts on it.

“After several restraining orders and a lifetime ban from Mr. McMahon’s office, I am proud to say that I have found my mother! Come on out here, Mommy!” declared Ellsworth to deafening polite applause from the audience.

To the shock and amazement of those live and watching at home, Attitude Era legend Moppy rolled down to the ring. Ellsworth, tears streaming down his cheeks, embraced Moppy and nuzzled her moist hair.

Ellsworth presented flowers to Moppy, who promptly dropped them because she doesn’t have arms.

“This is the happiest day of my life!” declared Ellsworth. “Well, it’s right up there with that time Carmella’s hand brushed against mine by accident!”

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
8 Responses to "Headlies: Moppy Revealed As James Ellsworth’s Mother"
  1. John C says:

    Moppy would reveal to her son that for the past several years she has lived with former TNA Diva, Sack of Flour. They met each other at a mixer and have a home in The Panhandle. They work together at a little diner and really clean up making a lot of dough.

  2. IC says:

    Father? Mother?
    How about an editor?

  3. CF says:

    I believe Richard Hammond said it best:


  4. Dan Sheldon says:

    When reach for comment, Perry Saturn simply said “You’re welcome”

  5. GeneMean says:

    If Ellsworth had been around during the Attitude Era, this might have actually made it to air.

  6. MistaMaddog says:

    I wonder if his childhood friend was Mae Young’s son…

  7. Ewa Beach Boy says:

    In a shocking revelation, Moppy revealed that Chavo Guerro’s late hobby horse was Ellsworth’s father. “I had a brief tryst with hobby shortly before Saturn fed him to the wood chipper. I feared I was next and had to hide my pregnancy from Saturn. I give James up for adaption as soon as he was born because I didn’t know what Perry would do if he found out. He was a good provider but was susceptible to uncontrollable fits of rage and wacky behavior. I didn’t want my son to grow up in that kind of environment. It was for the best!”

  8. Gabe Benson says:

    Thank you Maddog, that was an excellent call back

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