Headlies: Meet Wrestling Superstar CM Punk

10 Submitted by on Fri, 02 January 2015, 08:00


Ames, IA – Current UFC fighter CM Punk made his first public appearance this weekend at the Legends of Pro Wrestling Fan Fest this past week in Ames, Iowa.

The former WWE World Heavyweight Champion arrived early to Conference Room A of the Radisson Hotel, with two boxes of t-shirts, a folder of glossy 8×0 photos, advance copies of his new comic book, and several Sharpies. Punk set up his table beneath a banner reading “CM Punk: Wrestling Superstar” and made sure to find a chair with a cushion before they were all taken.

After becoming acclimated to his surroundings, Punk made sure to pay his respects to the other wrestlers also attending. After chatting for several minutes with former “Glamour Girl” Judy Martin, Kenny Dykstra, and Glacier, Punk grabbed a complimentary bagel and a can of Pepsi and settled into his booth.

Hours felt like days as CM Punk sat at by himself at his booth as lines formed for other wrestlers. After returning from the bathroom, Punk’s hopes grew as he saw a line forming around his booth. To his disappointment, the line to meet Virgil had stretched to the front of his booth. Things did not improve for Punk as a young fan asked if he was Justin Gabriel.

After playing Candy Crush on his phone for 20 minutes, Punk decided to call his beloved.
“Yeah, I don’t know what’s going on. I guess Triple H was right. Oh well, at least I’ve got you, sweetie. I’ll see you when I get back to Chicago. I love you too, Colt,” said Punk.

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
10 Responses to "Headlies: Meet Wrestling Superstar CM Punk"
  1. JR Thunder says:

    Ok, I’m gonna have to give major points for that line at the end. It had me busting up, also the line about Virgil means this is a nightmare for poor Punk.

  2. Thomas says:

    Virgil’s fortunes turned around once he started hanging the banner that said “Information Booth”.

  3. Bryan says:

    That Colt Cabana line was genius. Somebody should forward this to the WWE site. I’m sure they would post it.

  4. Vealchop says:

    Bravo. Also enjoyed the Virgil and Colt references,

  5. bigred says:

    Dammit. I live in Iowa and no one told me about this event. I would’ve been there for sure. I’ve always wanted to meet Virgil.

  6. Down With OPC says:

    I heard Punk was trying to hock some autograph pics for $20 a pop on the L around the Chicago Loop.

  7. John Q Occupier says:

    Did anyone ask him if he was Hootie?

  8. Dan says:

    I was going to say this was one of the less funny entries. Not because I have any love for Punk, but because. But that last line was hilarious.

  9. Jeezus says:

    It’s funny because it’s true

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