Headlies: Massive Search Party Underway To Find JoJo

20 Submitted by on Fri, 02 May 2014, 08:00


Toluca Lake, CA – WWE officials, superstars, and volunteers gathered in Toluca Lake, California to launch a large-scale search party to find missing Diva JoJo.

“Listen up, ladies and gentle,” said Vince McMahon, his WWE windbreaker flapping in the breeze. “We have a missing Diva out there. She is 5 feet, 2 inches and probably wearing ugly stretch pants. She’s been on her own for the past few months. That gives us a 10-mile radius. She’s probably cold, hungry, and confused. All right, I want 10 three-man teams fanning out in all directions. Make sure to check-in every 30 minutes with the WWE app.”

“I want you all to look in every gas station, Jamba Juice, Planet Fitness, and recording studio,” barked Triple H into his megaphone. “And someone see if her Twitter or Instagram have been updated.”

“Fifteen-mile check-points here, here, and here,” said Stephanie McMahon, pointing on a map spread out across the hood of a pickup truck.

When asked about her whereabouts, JoJo’s former love interest on “Total Divas” Justin Gabriel, said, “What’s a JoJo?”

The diminutive Diva has reportedly not been seen since the Monday Night Raw following Survivor Series. According to WWE.com, JoJo’s two career highlights include “Total Divas” star and singing the national anthem at SummerSlam 2013. Her signature moves are listed as “arm drag” “sunset flip” and “victory roll”. If you have any information, please contact Titan Towers in Stamford, Connecticut or call the Mean Gene hotline at 1-900-909-9900. $1.99 a minute. Kids get your parent’s permission.

WWE hopes to turn the search into a new original series for the WWE Network entitled “In Search of JoJo”.

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
20 Responses to "Headlies: Massive Search Party Underway To Find JoJo"
  1. Skinnyfatass says:

    If they find her, will they also find JTG and Evan Bourne too?

  2. Raven7309 says:

    Isn’t Justin Gabriel MIA as well??
    “1-900 Mean Gene” hotline??!! Frickin’ brilliant!!! 😀

    • YVRay says:

      Justin Gabriel was on NXT just a few weeks ago, taking a loss to Bo Dallas.

      • Thomas Moffatt says:

        He occasionally shows up on Superstars – wasted talent, wish WWE would reform his tag team with Tyson Kidd

  3. AK says:

    I don’t know where JoJo went but I am pretty certain she went looking for her other glove.

  4. Scrooge McSuck says:

    “What’s a JoJo?” LOL

    “You weren’t complaining when I got you THIS close to Chaci!”
    “What’s a Chaci?”

  5. TrenWolfman says:

    She actually appeared on this week’s NXT episode as a part of Adam Rose’s Exotic Express.


  6. JustAGuyGuy says:

    Go ask Mojo Rawley.

    *and now we wait*

  7. DeweyDTruman says:

    Don’t worry guys, she’s just in Egypt manifesting her stand.

  8. His Bubbliness says:

    What we need from each and every one of you is a hard-target search of every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse in the area!

  9. Kev says:

    Jojo was on NXT this past week as part of Adam Rose’s party patrol or whatever they’re calling it. She was wearing a mask but the skin color, build and poodle hair was definitely hers.

    • Thomas Moffatt says:

      I REALLY wants the Adam Rose character to bomb and become Gooker of the Year – that’s because I can’t stand unfunny, alleged comedian and all-round twat Russell Brand on who the character is based

    • Formerly From Tokyo says:

      “Poodle hair” – really?

  10. Jeremy says:

    Weren’t there a couple rumors that she briefly dated Randy Orton? I say he’s your primary suspect.

  11. Guest says:

    JoJo’s Bizarre Disappearance.

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