Headlies: Mason Ryan Excited To Make His Return On Monday Night

14 Submitted by on Fri, 17 January 2014, 08:00


Cardiff, Wales – WWE Superstar and former New Nexus member Mason Ryan has been preparing for his return to Raw this coming Monday.

Inside his personal gym, Ryan expressed excitement over his return to Monday Night Raw. “It’s been a long time coming. Almost two years by my count,” said Ryan as he blasted his quads. “I know now that I was brought up too early and have really improved my skills in NXT. I’m just so thrilled that they finally have the confidence to bring me back on the Raw before the Royal Rumble.”

Ryan shifted to doing several sets of skullcrushers and continued, “Y’know, the funny thing is, no one from the office actually called to tell me. I actually found out while seeing a promo for it on Raw a few weeks ago. I watched it with the sound off, but I got the gist of it. I look great in the videos, but some things troubled me.”

The big man furrowed his brow, deep in thought. “In the video, they kept calling me ‘The Animal’. I guess they thought a new nickname would help me connect with the fans. It’s not bad. I just wish they had went with my suggestion of ‘The Whale From Wales’ or ‘Mega Haystacks’,” said Ryan as he drank his Cake Batter-flavored Muscle Milk.

“And I don’t remember having so many tattoos, especially the Godsmack symbol around my belly button,” said Ryan lifting his shirt to find a tattoo-free stomach. “I’m more of a Sevendust fan myself. Maybe they just photoshopped it or something. Regardless, I’m going to make the most out of my return and use that momentum to win the Royal Rumble. I can’t wait to see my old New Nexus partners Michael McGillicutty, David Otunga, and Husky Harris!”

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From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
14 Responses to "Headlies: Mason Ryan Excited To Make His Return On Monday Night"
  1. RD Reynolds says:

    Totally down with Cake Batter Muscle Milk.

  2. Down With OPC says:

    This one made me laugh more than any other headlie. Hopefully Welshtista does come back at the Rumble, and he and Actualtista have a mime-like staredown.

  3. Matt Soileau says:

    LOL at McGuillicutty and Harris. Wonder where those guys went. Probably future endeavored to make room for guys like Curtis Axel and that Wyatt dude that looks like Travis Tritt…

  4. "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

    Best Headlie ever (and that covers a lot of great ones!).

  5. Mr Maddog says:

    Maybe he’ll be Batistia’s stand in when the guy goes on a press tour for his new movie…

    • Matt Soileau says:

      Hey, Glen Jacobs is still around. We can get that “Diesel” vs “Batista” feud out of the way…

      And we can have Brawler dress up as Doink for good measure…

  6. Jimbolian says:

    Can’t wait to welcome back Mason this Monday!

  7. Matt Soileau says:

    I remember somebody, I think it was my brother, calling him Batis-two…

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