Headlies: Marilyn Manson Buys XPW

4 Submitted by on Mon, 15 May 2017, 08:00

Hollywood, CA – Hot off the heels of Smashing Pumpkins leader Billy Corgan buying the NWA, shock-rocker Marilyn Manson has announced that he has bought the rights to Xtreme Pro Wrestling.

Founded in 1999, XPW was best known for its hardcore matches and outlandish characters. Details are still forthcoming, but it is believed that Manson spent tens of dollars to obtain the XPW name and video library.

“I’m not much of a wrestling fan, but I am a fan of grabbing people’s attention and holding on the last remaining shreds of popularity,” said Manson while sipping Hawaiian Punch from a skull-shaped goblet. “I was flipping around on Youtube and came across XPW and knew I had to have it. Pogo The Clown, Homeless Jimmy, Khan Kussion, The Stepfather, Damian 666. It’s all a rich tapestry of the sick and the depraved. I love it. We’re all stars now in the Deathmatch!”

Many in the industry have called it the perfect fit for Manson.

“While there’s some potential for Billy Corgan to do something with the NWA, the Marilyn Manson-XPW tag team is a no-brainer,” said Dave Meltzer from the Wrestling Observer. Both are way past their prime and still make moms really uncomfortable, so the only place to go is up.”

“WHY NOT?!” yelled Bryan Alvarez on the Bryan and Vinny podcast.

“Bro,” said Vince Russo. “He is the devil himself and I cannot think of anything more appropriate than Marilyn Manson hooking up with an organization like XPW.”

Manson is reportedly mulling over what he plans to do with XPW.

“Maybe I’ll get the matches on to Netflix. Maybe I’ll bring them out on tour with me. Maybe I’ll just have them throw me through some flaming tables and barbed wire. Maybe I’ll have a private tickle fight with Colt Cabana. Either way, I’m definitely making sure I have all of my shots and vaccines,” said Manson.

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
4 Responses to "Headlies: Marilyn Manson Buys XPW"
  1. John C says:

    I remember watching one XPW video a friend copied for me back when they started, I showered in shame more after seeing that atrocity than after viewing I Spit On Your Grave. Mostly a collection of circus geeks who you could care less about. Oh boy one tubby jobber is bleeding all over another tubby jobber and probably infecting each other with God knows what.

    Good use of bro in a Vince Russo quote. Try playing a drinking game to any Vinny Ru show, interview, whatever and whenever he says bro, take a drink. The game usually lasts five minutes until you’re in a complete stupor. For a light workout listen to him on a recent Sam Roberts show when he only says bro 17-20 times in a one hour interview. A record low for Vinny the Swerve.

  2. Autrach Sejanoz says:

    As a Marilyn Manson fan, I found this hilarious!

  3. MistaMaddog says:

    Looks like James Mitchell, aka the Sinister Minster, is getting a paycheck again!

  4. Doc 902714 says:

    Marilyn Manson looks like he’s aged just as well as Boy George.

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