Headlies: Low Attendance Reported For Vader’s “White Castle Of Fear” Halloween Party

11 Submitted by on Fri, 08 November 2013, 08:00


Somewhere in the Rocky Mountains, CO – Last week, former WCW and WWE star Big Van Vader hosted his annual Halloween party at his White Castle of Fear. Unfortunately, the turnout was much lower than he had expected.

“I don’t understand it,” barked Vader. “I must’ve sent out like a hundred of these invitations and there’s only a handful of people here. I know that people like having a good time! I know that people like living on the edge! What gives?”

The other people in attendance, besides Vader’s bevy of skanks, included Harley Race, Tex Slazenger, Shanghi Pierce, Ice Train, Cheatum the evil one-eyed midget, and Tony Schiavone, who showed up 2 hours early.

“I guess I should have been more specific on my invitation,” said Vader. “Maybe I should have said ‘Party goes from 8pm until midnight’ instead of ‘Vader Time to Vader Time’. And maybe I should have been more specific with directions. I suppose ‘The Rocky Mountains’ are a pretty big place. Maybe I should turn the light on outside so people can see the house number. I mean, I thought Sting would be here by now. He specifically said that might come. I hope he’s not lost.”

“Check the phone! Check the phone!” yelled Cheatum, picking up the receiver to check for a dial-tone.

“Hang up, stupid! He could be trying to call right now!” said Race. “And get your feet offa the table!”

“Man, I went to all this trouble to have a great party. I went to Costco and got a Party-size bag of Munchies, a case of RC Cola, a new Twister mat, and then I had to drive all the way across town to get like 4 Crave Cases,” said Vader, munching on a White Castle double cheeseburger.

“Well, at least a few people showed up and seem to be having fun, right? Yeah, this is pretty great! Who’s the man?! Who’s the man?!” bellowed Vader.

“This is the greatest night of my life and our sport!” slurred Schiavone, drunk on the Peppermint Schnapps he brought from home.

“Stuff it, twerp!” shouted Vader. “And give me back my sack of chicken rings!”

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
11 Responses to "Headlies: Low Attendance Reported For Vader’s “White Castle Of Fear” Halloween Party"
  1. "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

    DisapointedPartyHostVader.com. I bet that URL’s not taken… Another great one, Jordan!

  2. John says:

    “Ohhhhhhhhhhh Look at me, Look at Vader I;m so big…I trained to host this party…I’m just a big piece of (BLEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!) I guess it’s not Vader time anymore…and if Paul Orndorff calls I’m not home!!!!!!!”

  3. Raven7309 says:

    Munchies, RC Cola, and Twister??!! Shame my invite got lost in the mail.

  4. drunkenmaster says:

    Ventura was going to be in the party, but he fell asleep in his car while driving.

  5. Autrach Sejanoz says:

    This can’t be right – who WOULDN’T want to party at the White Castle of Fear?

  6. Sir Thomas says:

    Sounds like the only thing missing is the latest Guitar Hero. Heck, I’d have shown up if there WASN’T any Guitar Hero, but I’m wondering why the invite never got here? That housekeeper is so fired!

  7. 80's Guy says:

    Man, I am so saving up to book Vader for a personal appearance. At a White Castle of Fear party next Halloween.

    Better yet, how about making it a Wrestlecrap annual event, ala comic book and sci fi conventions?

    Imagine the stories that could come about from a shindig like that!

  8. Down With OPC says:

    So the party went from 2:17 to 2:17?

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