Headlies: Little Girl Asks Her Father “Where Does Brad Maddox Come From?”

14 Submitted by on Thu, 04 July 2013, 08:30

Brad Maddox

Fall River, MA – 6 year-old wrestling fan Suzy Cabral was being tucked into her bed by her father Carlos when she asked him a very important life question.

“Daddy, where does Brad Maddox come from?” asked Suzy.

Carlos cringed at the question that every father hopes never to have to answer. He never thought the day would come when his daughter would ask him that question. “Ask your mother,” he said quickly, hoping to end the subject.

“I did and she said to ask you,” said Suzy.

Trapped, Carlos tried once again to end the subject.

“Uh, I think Brad Maddox comes from South Carolina, sweetie,. Goodnight!” said Carlos as he tried to shut off the light and end the conversation.

“Dad-dy!” implored Suzy. “You know that’s not what I meant!”

With a big sigh, Carlos knew he was defeated.

He sat down on her bed and explained, “OK, hunny, I guess you’re old enough to know. You see, when Triple H and Stephanie McMahon love someone very much, they decide to bring that person to Monday Night Raw. Maybe they love them because they’re a good wrestler, or they have a lot of personality, or they have a certain look. Sometimes Triple H and Stephanie have a character in their head that they think is a very good idea. They give that special person a character and hope they grow up to be super duper great, just like you,” said Carlos, tapping his daughter on the nose.

“They wish real, real, hard to have a new character that everyone will like and hopefully sell lots of tickets and merchandise. But, you see, there’s a whole lot going on with the WWE, and sometimes they get real busy and don’t have enough time to flesh out ideas or characters. Sometimes they just throw whatever ideas they have on to TV and hope something sticks with the audience. And sometimes Creative is just not very creative and continues to push annoying characters for no good reason. Do you understand?”

“I think so. Thanks, Daddy!” said Suzy as she hugged her father.

Relieved that he was able to get through such a difficult talk, Carlos gave her a kiss goodnight, turned off the light, and began to shut the door.

“Daddy…why does Sheamus act like a jerk even though he’s a good guy.”

“Ask your mother,” said an exhausted Carlos.

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
14 Responses to "Headlies: Little Girl Asks Her Father “Where Does Brad Maddox Come From?”"
  1. "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

    Awesome, awesome, awesome.

  2. Raven7309 says:

    My answer to the Sheamus question: “Because he acts like a stereotypical Irish hooligan, that’s why.”

  3. MJA says:

    Ha this is gold, and applies to so many others. Also I read somewhere that Kevin Dunn hates Sheamus, and could be intentionally booking him so that he never gets over. Either that, or WWE Creative are completely inept.

    • Raven7309 says:

      WWE creative “completely inept?!!” No, really??!! With Nipple H at the helm, they’re now veering into “WCW on life support” territory ratings-wise.

  4. RD Reynolds says:

    This seriously may be my favorite Headlie since that one about Ken Patera and Grimace.

  5. AK says:

    Headlies of the Year candidate. Or is it Headlie? Headly? Either way, this gets my nomination.

  6. Thomas Moffatt says:

    Has there ever been two more annoying individuals paired together than Team Brickie???

    • Ice King says:

      I am and always will be a fan of team Brickie. Vickie has needed a cute weirdo as a sidekick for a while now.

  7. DownWithOPC says:

    Maybe Sheamus could win some points by beating up Brad Maddox.

  8. Superstarl says:

    So much win.

  9. DarkCannon says:

    This is one of the most humorous stories that I have read on Wrestlecrap for a long time. I haven’t read a great deal of headlies in the past but if this is what it offers consider me a continuous fan. As a religion major I totally dig the HHH/Stephanie creation of a wrestler theory.

  10. Caveman says:

    Brad Maddox is the illegitimate son of Eric Bischoff.

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