Headlies: Kofi Kingston Avoids Royal Rumble Elimination By Jumping Into Another Dimension

4 Submitted by on Mon, 28 January 2019, 08:00

Phoenix, AZ – Superstar Kofi Kingston wowed the WWE Universe at last night’s Royal Rumble by avoiding elimination with an incredible act that defied space, time, and logic.

Kingston, who has become known for his inventive ways of avoiding elimination, was to the floor by Drew McIntyre. Before he came crashing to the ground, an iridescent vortex formed in the air, absorbing Kingston’s body.  

“His feet didn’t touch the floor, so he’s still in this match!” yelled announcer Michael Cole.

“I don’t know if he even has feet anymore!” exclaimed Jerry “The King” Lawlwer.

“Out-of-date reference!” shouted JBL.

In years past, Kingston has used the barrier, a chair, and his hands to keep his feet from touching the floor. This year, though, Kingston was aided by his teammates Xavier Woods and Big E in a way that no one could have predicted.

“The New Day has got the booty and we’ve got the brains,” stated Woods as Big E seductively shook his backside. “We put our heads together and came up with this little Inter-Dimensional Transporter doohickey thingamajig. One quick shot opened the space-time continuum and our boy Kofi fell safely through, his feet never touching the ground. Worked like a charm!”

“Awwwww yeah! We’re talking vortex-ual healing!” declared Big E. “We’re breaking the fourth, fifth, and sixth walls. It’s a new scientific breakthrough, yes, it is!”

Kingston’s current whereabouts are unknown. He is feared missing and pancake-free, though is still technically not eliminated from the Royal Rumble.

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
4 Responses to "Headlies: Kofi Kingston Avoids Royal Rumble Elimination By Jumping Into Another Dimension"
  1. Alvin says:

    The good news is he’s now stuck in a dimension where he actually wins the rumble
    The bad news is it’s the dimension where WCW won and Vince Russo is in charge.

  2. Jay says:

    He’s going to show up and splat into the flat at next year’s Rumble and be retroactively eliminated from the 19 and be eliminated from the 20 at the same time.

  3. Travis says:

    Aren’t these supposed to be funny?

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