Headlies: Kevin Owens Tries To Win Back Chris Jericho

6 Submitted by on Mon, 20 February 2017, 08:00

Tampa, FL – WWE Universal Champion Kevin Owens made a very public apology to his former partner Chris Jericho yesterday morning outside of Jericho’s home.

Armed with a boom box, Owens stood next to his car and blasted Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes” to get Jericho’s attention.

“Go away, Kevin!” shouted Jericho while peeking out of his curtains.

“Chris, I’m sorry!” said Owens. “I just got so wrapped up in everything that’s been going on with Goldberg and Fastlane and Wrestlemania. Plus, I’m trying to do use TurboTax to do my taxes and it’s really hard to figure out the exchange rate between U.S. and Canadian dollars. Come on, you know this is my busy season! I didn’t mean to hurt you!”

“You threw me into flat-screen TV, Kevin!” yelled Jericho. “It hurt. A lot. My partners always end up hurting me. You, Big Show, Gedo, Christian. Even Lance Storm hurt me with his pointy, pointy words. You’ll just do it again!”

Owens sighed deeply. “Look, Chris. From one Canadian to another, I’m sorry. I was wrong. I need you. I…I love you.”

“R-really?” asked Jericho as he pulled the curtains away from his window.

“Really,” said Owens. “And I want to make it up to you. Shine up your US title belt, pick out your best scarf, we’ll pick up some discount Valentine’s Day chocolates, and let’s get dinner. Anywhere you want. You can pick your favorite restaurant in your hometown of Toronto.”

“I’m from Winnipeg, you idiot!” yelled Jericho before slamming his window shut and burying his face in his pillow.

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From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
6 Responses to "Headlies: Kevin Owens Tries To Win Back Chris Jericho"
  1. Geoff says:

    Good last line. The same line he used to yell at a fan who said the same thing during a Survivor Series match back in 08 when he was indeed teamed up with the Big Show, If everyone hurts him like that, you’d think he would see it coming and not tag with anyone. Or better yet, just put up the Walls of Jerico and bury himself with a lot of Jericoholic. Just like the Ayatolla’s of Rock and Rolla’s used to do.

  2. Thomas says:

    Maybe Kevin should try playing some of The Guess Who, with them being from Winnipeg and all.

    Maybe some BTO?

  3. S1mon86 says:

    I was very disappointed when it wasn’t the jeritron 8000 that Owens slammed Jericho’s head into

    • Adam says:

      Owens is having enough trouble with his taxes, he doesn’t need to worry about repayments for an obscenely expensive piece of equipment.

  4. CF says:

    Nah — he needs to play this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ …. 😉

  5. John C says:

    Then KO had Friendship the Magician bring forward a lifesize Guggenheim statue out of a block of ice, rekindling their relationship. They soon captured the Raw Tag Team Championships and would rename them the Raw Best Friend Tag Team Championships and break The New Day’s record tenure as champs.

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