Headlies: Kane and Seth Rollins Enter Couples Therapy

5 Submitted by on Mon, 27 April 2015, 08:00


Green Bay, WI – Current WWE champion Seth Rollins and WWE Director of Operations Kane have officially began couples therapy in a concerted effort to fix their struggling relationship.

Trouble has been brewing among the two over the past few weeks, coming to a head this past Sunday night at Extreme Rules. At the behest of The Authority, both men begrudgingly attended the session hosted by Dr. Shelby.

Rollins and Kane sat on opposite ends of the couch, frequently avoiding eye contact with each other. Their body language conveyed a sense of anger and mistrust and Dr. Shelby quickly picked up on the tension.

“Gentleman, The Authority has asked you both here so you can work out your problems and once again become a cohesive unit,” said Dr. Shelby. “I’d like you both to discuss what you think is the root of the problems you are having with each other?”

“It’s like he resents my success,” said Rollins. “I’m finally moving up in the world and he’s mad at me. We used to do stuff together all the time. I can’t even remember the last time we had a nice evening out together of dinner and dancing. He’s there, but he’s not there, you know?”

“My work is my life,” said Kane sternly. “You knew that when you met me. The Authority relies on me to get things done. I can’t help it if I have to stay late and I’m too tired when I get home. Of course I care about his success, but I need Seth to understand what I’m dealing with.”

Dr. Shelby had the two do several exercises including trust falls and word association. The session finally had a breakthrough when Dr. Shelby showed them pictures that J & J Security had drawn expressing their feelings about the infighting.

“I had no idea they felt this way,” said Seth Rollins softly.

“Our sweet little Joey and Jamie,” sighed Kane, tears streaming down his cheeks.

Kane then took Seth Rollins hand and said, “Thank you, Dr. Shelby. You’ve done it again!”

Dr. Shelby watched proudly as the two embraced and left the office together. His pride diminished as he saw his next appointment arriving.

“Hold all my calls,” Dr. Shelby told his secretary. “Dixie Carter is here with her parents again.”

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
5 Responses to "Headlies: Kane and Seth Rollins Enter Couples Therapy"
  1. Autrach Sejanoz says:

    I’d like to see this actually happen, if only so Dr. Shelby could come back.

  2. John C says:

    This could lead to a great gimmick where they become tag team partners and eventually champions. Seth Rollins then becomes a huge babyface by yelling out a single word catchphrase which captivates a nation. Kane settles into the background as a henchman of some sort of authoritative group which tries to derail this upstart hero of the people. That all sounds stupid and could never work.

  3. Down With OPC says:

    Is Seth still jealous about the attention that Kane gives his lhasa apso?

  4. Jeremy says:

    Poor Joey and Jamie, they’re the real victims in all this.

  5. Mike M. says:

    Wait, you had a couples therapy segment with Kane and it made Daniel Bryan a star and you named it Stampy.

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