Headlies: JTG Hiding From WWE Officials To Avoid Being Future Endeavored

15 Submitted by on Tue, 21 May 2013, 09:00


Kansas City, MO – Current WWE Superstar JTG has spent the past few days avoiding several WWE officials in an effort to keep his job with the company.

Once one-half of the tag-team Cryme Tyme, the seldom-used wrestler has managed to stay on the company payroll despite lacking any sort of push or character growth. This past Friday saw several Superstars receive their release from the company, which is commonly referred to as being “Future Endeavored”. Seeing the writing on the wall, JTG has taken to hiding, wearing disguises, and even running away from any high-ranking official that might remember he’s still employed and therefore fire him.

“Son, it’s been real stressful these past few days,” said JTG. “I’ve had it easy for the past couple of years. A few house shows here, an appearance on Main Event there. I stay in shape and get a good paycheck. I’m like the modern Funaki. My slogan has been: ‘Show up. Not be used. Cash check.’ Ch’yea! Let a playa not play, you know what I mean? But every year, right after Wrestlemania, the firings start to roll and I have to make myself scarce. If someone like Vince or Stephanie see me, it’s over.”

In order to stay under the radar, JTG has taken to hiding in the locker room showers. When he is forced to leave the safety of the locker room, JTG has worn several costumes to conceal his identity, including a pirate outfit, clown makeup, and even Pete Rose’s old San Diego chicken costume from Wrestlemania XV. “Yo, that thing stunk like a mixture of puke, Funyuns and Brylcreem. C’mon Pete, a little dab’ll do ya!”

JTG’s plan almost came to a crashing halt this afternoon. JTG ventured from his locker room fortress of solitude without a costume to get some lunch at catering with fellow barely-used Superstar Yoshi Tatsu. While waiting in line, JTG noticed that none other than Vince McMahon himself had walked into the room. Thinking quickly, JTG put on a caterer’s jacket, jumped to the other side of the table, and began serving prime rib. JTG breathed a sigh of relief when McMahon did not recognize him.

Tatsu, who has less fear of being released, warmly greeted the Mr. McMahon. McMahon took a bite of a protein bar, smiled and said, “Looking good, Tajiri!”

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
15 Responses to "Headlies: JTG Hiding From WWE Officials To Avoid Being Future Endeavored"
  1. Bone White says:

    Hee hee is that the first Only Fools and Horse reference on WC ever? Cushty!

  2. patricko says:

    So, I’ve looked a couple different places… Who all cut cut last week?

  3. Thomas Moffatt says:

    JTG should concentrate on being completey useless at his job; be completely annoying and whiney; a prize dork; pretty much loathed; develop a fake annoying laugh; and develop the supreme ability to annoy – it hasn’t done Michael Cole any harm… only WWE fans…

  4. bret_owen99 says:

    this is one of the best headies ever!!! just reading the title sent me into laughter, and the story was just as good (and believable). kudos sir!!!

  5. Nick Nutter says:

    Well done, sir! Well done.

  6. David Turrigiano says:

    I will always like JTG for one reason. He went to the same high school that I did, though I graduated 15 years before him.

  7. Raven7309 says:

    So according to Vince: Tatsu=Funaki??!! Hmmm, must be that “new math” I’ve heard so much about. 😛

  8. Jozzy Von Rokkenstein says:

    LMAO! “Looking good, Tajiri!” Amazing!!!

  9. Sycho Sid Caesar says:

    Definitely the best Headlies yet. Love the Tajiri line!

  10. 80's Guy says:

    Yes, definitely one super funny entry. Loved it, especially the ending with the catering jacket and the Tajiri line. The whole thing was just full of laugh out loud moments.

  11. Ewa Beach Boy says:

    JTG’s skin must be very wrinkled from all the water that hits him.

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