Headlies: Jinder Mahal’s Veins Set To Become 2017’s Breakout Star

3 Submitted by on Mon, 22 May 2017, 08:00

Chicago, IL – After last night’s championship match between Randy Orton and Jinder Mahal at Backlash, WWE officials believe that Mahal’s bulging veins are fast on their way to becoming the biggest star in a company.

At a closed-door meeting before Monday Night Raw, Vince McMahon and other top WWE officials gathered to talk about how best to push their new favorite.

“My god!” exclaimed McMahon. “Did you see Jinder’s veins last night? They were practically popping out of his skin! It was amazing!”

“The crowd really did take notice,” said Triple H with a hint of jealousy in his voice.

“I made sure to zoom in real close, just like you said, Vince!” exclaimed WWE television producer Kevin Dunn. “It was super duper yucky!”

“It’s pretty clear that we’ve got a huge star on our hands,” said McMahon with a gleam of excitement in his eyes. “The crowd was going nuts for those throbbing blood vessels. I see green pumping through those veins. I think the best course of action is to quickly separate the veins from Jinder at the next pay-per-view so that we can start a program between the veins and Orton as soon as possible. What do you say?”

An uncomfortable silence filled the room before Triple H spoke up, saying, “Um, Vince. That will kill Jinder.”

“No, no, no,” dismissed McMahon. “We can put Jinder in a feud with against Kevin Owens to keep him hot for our expansion into India. He’ll be fine.”

“No, I mean, it will literally kill Jinder Mahal if you take his veins out of his body,” said Triple H.

“Nonsense! Watch, I’ll prove that it will work. Kevin, come here!” commanded McMahon.

Dunn eagerly walked over to McMahon who began to pinch and grab at Dunn’s body.

“All my dreams are coming true!” giggled Dunn. “Hehehehehe! That tickles, Vince!”

“Stop squirming, Kevin!” shouted McMahon as began pinching and grabbing Dunn ever harder.

“Ow! Owwwww! Owwwwwwwwwwww!” screamed Dunn.

“Fine,” said a defeated McMahon. “We’ll think of some other way to help promote those beautiful, pulsating veins. We’ll just shoot Jinder from the neck down or something.”

“Sounds…good,” said Dunn while trying to catch his breath from the vicious tickling and pinching. “Best…day…ever.”

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From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
3 Responses to "Headlies: Jinder Mahal’s Veins Set To Become 2017’s Breakout Star"
  1. Thomas says:

    A disturbing look into the thought life of Kevi Dunn.

  2. Vincent says:

    …So Vince is the out of touch cuckoo cloudlander, Kevin Dunn is his ever-loyal (and kinda creepy) subordinate and Hunter is the only sane one of the three? Sounds about right.

  3. Sawney says:

    It’s funny ’cause it’s (almost) true.

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