Headlies: Jimmy Wang Yang Returns With North Korean Hacker Gimmick

10 Submitted by on Fri, 16 January 2015, 08:00

(Today’s Headlie was co-written by Keith LaPointe. Thanks, Keith!)


Orlando, FL – WWE announced today via their Performance Center that the company has come to terms with the return of superstar Jimmy Wang Yang after a 5 year abscence.

When contacted, Triple H, head of talent relations, said that Wang would be brought back with a new identity and purpose. “Since we keep on the cutting edge of what is popular, Jimmy Wang Yang will now be known as Jimmy Pyong Yang, North Korean Hacker extraordinaire. We have big plans for Pyong Yang in the future.”

It is believed that Yang will enter a feud with John Cena when Pyong Yang hacks into the WWE servers via the RAW Anonymous General Manger’s email. From there Yang will expose company secrets, before threatening a “Flame War” on WWE Headquarters unless the company cancelled Wrestlemania.

When asked about a delay in announcing the new character, Triple H looked to the floor and rubbed the back of his head, “Well, too be honest he’s been having trouble with his finisher. It’s supposed to be a missile dropkick but he usually just falls to the mat harmlessly. We’re working on it.”

Asked for comment Yang smiled. “I’m just glad to be back y’all I-” The comments were stopped short when Triple H seemed to elbow Yang in the side.  “I mean, the Great and Benevolent leader will be most pleased with the crushing of this American John Cena dog man.”

“And who knows,” said Triple H. “Maybe Pyong Yang will become WWE’s newest dictator. Heh heh. Dictator. I gotta text that one to Shawn.”

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
10 Responses to "Headlies: Jimmy Wang Yang Returns With North Korean Hacker Gimmick"
  1. Vealchop says:

    The Missile Dropkick. I see what you did there.

  2. the14thListener says:

    Tag team with Rusev to become the New New Unamericans.

  3. Chad says:

    Oh god, please don’t give Vince and ideas

  4. Thomas Moffatt says:

    Won Long Pong would be more WWE…

  5. John C says:

    WWE Films presents: The Interview 2. Starring The Miz(with his stunt double) a third cousin(twice removed) of anyone related to a Franco, Verne Troyer, Hornswaggle and Jimmy Wang Yang as the leader of the KGB(what a twist)

  6. Thomas Moffatt says:

    Where can we create our own Headlies? I want to create one about the whole WWE Roster living in fear because Vince McMahon has just seen the Gross Hot Tub Incident on YouTube…

  7. CP says:

    I always say one thing: satire and plausibility should never cross paths.

    This is a prime example of why that should be. 🙂

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