Headlies: James Storm Now Allowed To Grab Whatever He Wants Out Of The TNA Merch Closet

12 Submitted by on Mon, 18 January 2016, 08:00


Nashville, TN – James Storm’s return to TNA shocked the internet as many believed that his appearances at NXT events would lead to a full-time contract. Details have begun to emerge from Storm’s new contract with TNA including the surprising clause that was the difference maker in his decision.

“It all comes down to numbers and being able to feed my family,” said Storm. “TNA made me an offer I couldn’t refuse. Sure the money is better and I get a bigger percentage from t-shirt sales, but there was something they offered me that Triple H just couldn’t. I now have full privileges to grab whatever I want out of the TNA merch closet.”

“Jimmy has been with us a long time and we feel that he deserves it,” said Dixie Carter. “He’s really earned our trust so now Jimmy can just go into the closet and grab whatever he wants. It’s kind of like that show ‘Supermarket Sweep’? You ever see that? Dang, that’s a good show. Sometimes when I watch it I just jump up and down in front of the TV screaming my head off. How do that make it so exciting?”

“I’ve got my eye on that Jeff Jarret laser engraved guitar and a pair of The Beautiful People legwarmers,” said Storm while peaking into the closet. “Oh, cool! A Manik mask. Gotta remember that one for Halloween!”

Carter further elaborated on the products in the closet saying, “RVD dog tags, Main Event Mafia trucker hats, Aces & Eights wallets, The Pope’s sunglasses, Willow umbrellas. Dang, he’s so lucky!” said Carter. “Jimmy really made the right decision coming back to TNA.”

Carter then lit an entire box of her Dixie Land shirts in an effort to both heat and light the TNA offices.

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From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
12 Responses to "Headlies: James Storm Now Allowed To Grab Whatever He Wants Out Of The TNA Merch Closet"
  1. Doc 902714 says:

    And to think that Braden Walker actually had a more successful WWE career than Storm.

  2. John C says:

    Storm then shook his no as he glanced down to see a pile of Brooke Hogan memorabilia gathering dust.

  3. Geoff says:

    James Storm then added: “You know, this closet is a bit bigger than my trailer. I think I just might move in and make my home in here.” he looked around and sighed then his gaze went back to the Brooke Hogan pile “Gotta do something about that. Clear those out and that would be half the room right there.” When last we saw James he was happily busy sweeping and dusting the closet of cobwebs and humming to himself.

  4. Raging_Demons says:

    Could snag some extra Beer Money shirts and SPEAKING OF that guitar it could be quite handy for getting rid of snow on the ground.

    • Caveman says:

      He could also sell the guitar to Elias Samson. I think his business scheme in NXT was making acquaintances to then resign with TNA and that closet contract to sell them all kinds of crap from the TNA closet.

      • Caveman says:

        By the way, I’m pretty sure Mr. Storm is happy TNA let Don West go so many moons ago, otherwise that closet would now be empty with all the merch sold to customers that don’t even know why they bought that crap. I do miss that used car salesman.

  5. Geoff says:

    When asked to give a comment on James’ new place of residence, his brother, Lance Storm” shook his head, shrugged and walked away mumbling something about the Storm family finances and mother Storm, affectionately known as, “Hurricane” Katrina Storm.

  6. Sean Bateman says:

    I heard that on the floor of the Merch Closet is empty bottles of Dixieland brand malt liquor.

  7. "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

    I love that every product you mention really was for sale on ShopTNA.com at one point.

  8. Philip says:

    Well, at least the dog-tags spelled RVD correctly.

  9. TheDog says:

    And when told of his old co-worker’s deal, AJ Styles shook his head and said “They never offered me free access to the merch closet. Might have stayed if they did. Those Dixieland shirts make for good, cheap toilet paper.” before going back to counting the money Triple H tips him to park his car.

    “Guy thinks I’m a valet and gives me money to park his car. I just leaves the keys on the seat and leave it where it is. When he finds his car where he left it, he congratulates whoever’s closest for such a good job and leaves. I don’t think the poor guy even realizes that the car never moved from it’s spot the entire time.”

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