Headlies: Impact Wrestling Vows To Win Gooker Award Next Year

3 Submitted by on Mon, 07 January 2019, 08:00

Toronto, ON – An emergency meeting of executives at Anthem Sports was called this weekend to discuss Impact Wrestling’s exclusion from the 2018 Gooker Award nominations. Anthem Sports CEO Leonard Asper addressed the issue among his company’s leaders.

“How? How does this happen?” asked Asper. “We’ve worked too long and too hard to just be completely left off the Wrestlecrap Gooker awards. We weren’t even an option! What, Austin Aries walking out wasn’t good enough?”

“Don’t forget about Sami Callihan smashing Eddie Edwards in the face with a bat!” chimed Anthem Sports chairman Loudon Owen.

 The visibly distraught Asper pounded his fist on the conference room table, demanding answers. “We need the press. We’re about a month of bad ratings away from ending up on the Drying Paint Channel.”

“Our product has improved all around,” explained Vice President. “People remember the bad old TNA days, so it’s a really high bar for crap. Ratings might be down, but the product is better. This is a positive thing.” Executive Vice President Louis Maione.

“Positive?! We ran over a kid on one of our shows, for crying out loud!” exclaimed Asper. “What more do we have to do? I swear I will run over as many kids as possible in 2019 if that’s what it takes!”

“Uh, run over kids in storyline, right boss?” questioned Owen.

“What line?” asked Asper.

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
3 Responses to "Headlies: Impact Wrestling Vows To Win Gooker Award Next Year"
  1. Gerard says:

    only wrestlecrap could find a way to make a joke that impact wrestling was too good this year to qualify as anything gooker worthy

  2. Chris V says:

    Well, I think they forgot the segment on that PPV where Allie went in to the realm of the dead to kill Su Yung, and rescue the souls of her allies, only to end up selling her own soul.
    That was pretty bad.
    Definitely not anywhere close to horrible enough to win a Gooker, but it certainly deserved a nomination.

  3. Aaron Peterson says:

    Remember, TNA: Don’t confuse WrestleCrap (stuff that’s so terrible you can’t help but laugh at it) with WrestleShit (stuff that’s so terrible you cringe whenever you recall it.)

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