0 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 11:37

Text by Justin Henry and Sean Carless; Photoshoppery by Sean Carless and RD Reynolds
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By Justin Henry

New Orleans, LA – The WWE Hall of Fame induction ceremony will take place Saturday night, April 2, at the Phillips Arena in Atlanta, GA. Rumors have circulated about possible inductees, with the Legion of Doom appearing to be a mortal lock.

Formed in 2005, The Legion of Doom’s tenure was short lived, but prosperous. The duo consisted of the legendary Road Warrior Animal, and young Jon Heidenreich, who was struggling to find his voice.

“Animal had just returned to WWE, and he was looking to form a tag team that would revolutionize the business,” said Heidenreich via phone interview. “So we agreed to form the Legion of Doom that summer to combat MNM.”

The fans have been calling for LOD to be inducted for quite some time, due to their incredible influence on the business, as well as their unique image.

“The spiked shoulder pads and face paint have a lot to do with our image,” explained Heidenreich. “In 2005, there was a big market for muscled warriors with doomsday-style war paint and devilish shoulder pads, and since nothing like it had ever been seen before in the wrestling business, we just went out and blazed a trail.”

That trail led to the Legion of Doom capturing their sole championship, winning the WWE Tag Team Titles at Great American Bash 2005 from MNM.

“That was the peak of LOD, right there. It may have been our only reign as champions, but it’s a reign that the fans will fondly remember. Hitting Joey Mercury with the Doomsday Device in front of all the little “Doomers” proved that if you give the LOD the opening match, we’ll set a tone that simply cannot be duplicated throughout the night. I mean, how can anything top the innovation on display from Animal and I? We were ahead of our time.”

Despite the team breaking up after losing the gold in October 2005 back to MNM, Heidenreich believes that the team’s contributions are sufficient for a Hall of Fame bid.

“When you look at the hot bed of tag teams in 2005, it was a glorious era. You had MNM, Cade and Murdoch, the Heart Throbs, Hurricane and Rosey, and La Resistance, so you’re talking about having your work cut out for you in what is probably the greatest collection of tag teams that one can recall. When Animal and I put on the make-up, the shoulder pads, and then brought the house down with our roughhouse tactics, you knew we’d arrived. We went our separate ways after the tag team title loss, because we realized that there was no way we could top those three months of excellence. It’s like Heath Ledger’s career: short, brilliant, and will never live long enough to fade away. That’s what greatness is all about.”

Heidenreich was also asked if the “voice” of the Legion of Doom, the so-called “Hand That Rocks the Cradle” will be part of the induction.

“I’d love for Christy Hemme to be there, but commitments with TNA or something may prevent that. It’d be a shame if we couldn’t honor her.”

By RD Reynolds

Austin, Texas – For years in WWE, Cody Rhodes has struggled to break free of the midcard. But finally, he has determined a gateway to success: emulate his father’s famous interview style in the most blatant manner possible.

“I’ve been studying Dad’s interviews non-stop for a month on YouTube,” claims Cody, “and I really don’t know how or why they ever caught on. I just know they did. And I’ve determined that while most things he said rhymed, none of it ever made any sense at all. I mean, ‘funky like a monkey’ and eating pork and beans with kings and queens and all that jazz…what on earth could any of that possibly mean? NOTHING!”

The younger Rhodes determined that since blabbering on in a rhyming manner incessantly about absolutely nothing could lead to his father becoming one of the biggest stars the business has ever known, it would make sense for him to do the same. And so he began feverishly scribbling whatever random thoughts popped into his head in preparation for using them in interviews for upcoming matches.

“Oh man have I come up with some good ones,” Rhodes grinned with a gleem in his eye. “I’ve actually been trying different ones out on house shows, just to see what type of mumbo jumbo would get the biggest reaction. I thought I did pretty well in Salt Lake last week with ‘Fish flash poodle dash, sucker takes the bone”, but it was nothing compared to the pop I got in El Paso when I dropped ‘Silk duck, milk truck, all for just half a buck!’ And when I uncorked ‘Windmills, puppy dogs, yum yum Stuckey nut logs’ in East Rutherford…man… I knew I’d have to keep that in the arsenal.”

Cody admits they aren’t all winners: ” I do know I laid an egg in Oakland with ‘Cody crack corn, I saw a bear, Cody crack corn, picked up a spare.’ And let me tell you, that really sucked, because it took me two weeks and three trips to a bowling alley to come up with that one.”

Still, Rhodes is proud of what he has accomplished, and looks forward to the build to WrestleMania against Rey Mysterio. “I’m planning on attacking his heritage in hopes of really turning up the heat, but it’s a bit of a challenge. Do you know anything that rhymes with ‘pintos’?”

Our reporter had to leave after telling Cody for the fifth time that ‘lintos’ was not, in fact, a real word.

By Justin Henry

Kensington, NY – Paul Roma, Former WWE jobber, WCW midcarder, and inexplicable member of the Four Horsemen, would like to set the record straight on a wrestler that he feels is deserving of recognition than he currently gets.

“I never understood why Paul Roma never got his due in the business,” Roma claimed, while trying to suppress any hint of irony. “Paul Roma had a chiseled frame and could wear two different hairstyles supremely well: the blow-dried pompadour and the slicked Gordon Gekko look. For Paul Roma to have been such a forgotten, sometimes mocked, part of wrestling history is an absolute crime.”

Roma has been largely retired from mainstream wrestling since a little-known failed attempt to catch on with World Wrestling Entertainment in 1997, which has only allowed his paltry resume to collect even more dust.

Roma, of course, feels that Roma should have been picked up by a fledgling promotion.

“When you consider the turmoil that was in place, after Bret Hart was screwed over, and the locker room was near mutiny, you needed to bring in someone to help save the day. As a former Horseman that helped revive the dead concept in 1993, I feel Paul Roma could have revived a company that was hanging by a thread. McMahon even said to Paul Roma that he planned on taking a tag team wrestler from WCW that the company had dropped the ball on as his centerpiece, and Roma was certain that he meant him. Then Vince ends up going with Austin, which did okay I guess, but I’m sure he regrets not using Paul Roma when he had the chance!”

Roma seems to be bitter that Paul Roma never got another chance in the bigs, especially when Roma can never conclusively prove that he would have saved the day.

“To this day, people will talk about Paul Roma with derisive remarks. Hello! Paul Roma was a Horseman! The gimmick was dead for three years, and Paul Roma rides in to carry Flair and Anderson to another glory run! Do they thank Paul Roma? No, of course not! That would be a good gesture, but Paul Roma apparently isn’t deserving of such things! Does Paul Roma get credit for making Jim Powers famous, or for reviving the careers of Hercules, Slick, and Paul Orndorff? Of course not! It’s like a conspiracy to make the world forget just how important Paul Roma is!”

Roma was asked if he thinks Paul Roma has any regrets over the way his career turned out.

“I don’t think Paul Roma worries about his output. Paul Roma did all of the right things, carried a number of shows, and it’s on the companies for not using Paul Roma to his fullest.”

Finally, Roma had one final thing to say to everyone listening.

“Paul Roma.”

Written by

Justin Henry is WrestleCrap's inquiring newsman, thirsting for knowledge always. He enjoys the art of satire, as you'll find in many of his works here at WrestleCrap. Drop him a line on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/notoriousjrh) and Twitter (http://www.twitter.com/jrhwriting)

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