Headlies: Fan Desperately Trying To Start “We Want Aksana” Chant

12 Submitted by on Fri, 18 October 2013, 08:00


Kansas City, MO – At this week’s Smackdown and Main Event taping, WWE fan David Bach tried and failed to start a “We Want Aksana” chant.

Holding a fluorescent pink sign with a picture of Aksana that he printed off of his desktop, the 29 year-old summoned all of his strength to will the crowd into shouting out their desire to see his favorite WWE diva.

Unable to contain his excitement, Bach began his well-rehearsed serenade immediately following the start of Main Event. Initially, a few people surrounding Bach laughed at what they assumed was an ironic joke. Encouraged by the perceived support, he began to hold up his sign every few seconds, blocking the view of those behind him, despite being nowhere near where the hard camera was pointing. The laughs soon turned to jeers and thrown popcorn as he refused to stop.

“Oh man, the things I would let her do to me,” said Bach to a scared 11 year-old sitting next to him. “WWE has no idea how to push her. She’s just so hot and totally different from the rest of the cookie-cutter women they have. I mean, I don’t care about one Bella, let alone two of them. Give Aksana the belt and watch rating rise.”

As the main event of Smackdown began, Bach’s arms had grown tired and his voice had become sore. A wave of fear crashed over him as he began to fear that his beloved Aksana would not appear on the show.

“She’ll be in the dark match,” he tried to convince himself. “She just has to be!”

As the dark match featuring CM Punk, Daniel Bryan, and Kofi Kingston vs. The Shield finished, a crestfallen Bach left the arena.

“That’s it, I’m done with WWE,” said Bach as he downloaded the WWE app on his phone  to see if he missed an Aksana-heavy segment.

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
12 Responses to "Headlies: Fan Desperately Trying To Start “We Want Aksana” Chant"
  1. GG Duce says:

    WWE has an app? First I’ve heard.

    • Raven7309 says:

      But it’s so easy to install, any moron could do it!!
      (Including me). 😛

    • John says:

      “Hi, I’m Michael Cole and please allow me to explain all the vintage apps you can choose from, hey that was vintage Michael Cole. Jerry please you may not use my phone to look for Japanese schoolgirl porn. Ahhhhh vintage King.”

  2. THE Jeffry Mason says:

    Apparently my phone has the same problem with the app as the WWE does with its storylines from only 2 weeks ago: insufficient memory

  3. Jordan Mishkin says:

    I love that in a story about Aksana, the WWE App gets more attention. Perfect.

  4. chris says:

    This headlie made me realize that literally everything Mr. Bach said about Aksana, I’ve recently thought about AJ. She’s the greatest, she’s not being pushed right, she doesn’t fit the “cookie cutter” wwe divas mold (which really isn’t even true) and even that’s she’s much prettier than the Bellas. EVERY quote. But all the best headlies point out the bad habits we all have, like the complaining IWC guy psyched about going to wrestlemania

  5. Luchaporn says:

    Hey there’s nothing unusual about wanting Aksana..I want Aksana….in bed,or the shower…bow chika bow wow.

  6. Chadmw10 says:

    The Scary thing, is that there are actually fans out there that would act just like this

leave a comment