Headlies: Eva Marie To Take On A Paddle Ball At Summerslam

8 Submitted by on Fri, 15 August 2014, 08:00


San Jose, CA – WWE officials have added another match to the already stacked Summerslam card with WWE Diva Eva Marie versus a paddle ball.

The blood feud began during filming for the upcoming season of Total Divas. The trouble brewing between Eva Marie and the paddle ball stems from a misunderstanding between the two over Fandango. Eva Marie has shown interest in Fandango over the past few seasons of the show and was shocked to find him playing with the paddle ball backstage.

The two tried to put their personal differences aside for a backstage segment that quickly spiraled out of control when Eva Marie received a splinter from the paddle ball. In a fit of rage, Eva Marie angrily swung the paddle, only to have the ball bounce back, hitting her squarely in the eye, causing it to swell shut.

In a heartfelt and heavily-edited backstage interview with Michael Cole, Eva Marie swore revenge.

“I am the total Diva,” said the red-head, still sporting a black eye. “I am not half a Diva. I am not a quarter Diva. I am not whatever is less-than-a-quarter Diva. I will get my revenge. And if I can’t get my revenge, I will put my revenge in my shopping cart and wait until my revenge is available for purchase!”

In related news, Jerry Lawler had a closed-door meeting with several members of the creative team in order to craft several “balls hitting Eva Marie in the face” one-liners.

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From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
8 Responses to "Headlies: Eva Marie To Take On A Paddle Ball At Summerslam"
  1. Brandon says:

    You forgot to mention that Sack of Flour will be the special guest referee for this match.

  2. the14thlistener says:

    Is the Divas version of Batista v. Basketball? I love the idea that Lawler would need a meeting with creative team to brainstorm ‘balls in the face’ jokes.

  3. John C says:

    Vince Russo was seen in a Pavlovian state at the mention of crafting balls to face jokes. “I may have to use my old Vic Venom alias so I can write dese jokes. I have a good name to uphold and all.”

  4. Doc 902714 says:

    Not really too much of a stretch considering that it was 12 Divas (6 WWE Divas and 6 RAW Diva Search Contestants) vs. a DODGEBALL at SummerSlam 2004

  5. I Ever Tell You Fellers? says:

    Based on the reaction she got at NXT, the crowd will be thoroughly behind the paddleball.
    WWE will then wish the paddle ball all the best in it’s future endeavors.

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