Headlies: Eva Marie Rojo vs. Eva Marie Negro At Clash Of Champions

14 Submitted by on Mon, 12 September 2016, 08:00

Baltimore, MD – An epic battle has been set for next month’s Clash of Champions Pay-Per-View as Eva Marie with red hair will take on Eva Marie with black hair.

The feud began, naturally, on Eva Marie’s Instagram page. Two weeks ago, pictures began to surface showing Eva Marie with black hair. On Twitter, Eva Marie had stated that someone had hacked her Instagram page and assured fans that she had not dyed her trademark red hair.

Sightings of a black-haired Eva Marie increased this week, first at Smackdown last week and again at the Backlash Pay-Per-View last night. On Raw, a red-headed Eva Marie addressed her fan.

“Oh my gosh, you guys. I totes have no idea what’s going on. First, I’m like suspended for some lame reason, then there’s this like imposter Eva Marie and she looks totally gross. Ugh! This is worse than that time I asked for Kale-ribbean Breeze smoothie from Jamba Juice, but they gave me Greens N’ Ginger instead!”

Eva Marie Rojo, as she is now being referred to on the internet, was suddenly interrupted by a black-haired Eva Marie on the Titantron.

“Eva? It’s me, Eva.” said Eva Marie Negro. “You had your chance. The time of Eva Marie Negro is here. There can be only one!’ shouted Eva Marie Negro before giggling “I heard that in a movie once. There was this guy with a sword and then this other guy trying to kill him. It was real spooky! It was called ‘Hidelander’ or something. You should watch it!”

“That’s not the real Eva Marie,” said Michael Cole even more lifelessly than usual.

“I’m seeing double! One Eva Maries!” shouted JBL to the enjoyment of absolutely no one.

“Use the hashtag ‘You already paid for the Network so you might as well watch anyway’ yelled Corey Graves.

Eva Marie Rojo is set to take on Eva Marie Negro at Clash Of Champions unless WWE comes up with another way to keep Eva Marie off television for another month.

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
14 Responses to "Headlies: Eva Marie Rojo vs. Eva Marie Negro At Clash Of Champions"
  1. "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

    I’m sorry, but this simply can’t compare to Blonde Patty Vs. Brunette Patty.

  2. Raven7309 says:

    Given the fact that everything in wrestling is cyclical, how come in WWE thought of bringing in the “new” Eva Marie as the Midnight Rider 2.0? Complete with campfire vignettes and extra padding, if you know what I mean?

  3. Geoff says:

    In the Eva Marie Rojo corner is the Undertaker. In the Eva Marie Negro corner is the fake Undertaker. Aka Underfaker. To the enjoyment of no one Authority triple H will be officiating. And to the enjoyment of someone, DX Triple H will also be officiating.

  4. John C says:

    Just as the ring entrances were to begin a shot of their respective locker rooms revealed both competitors unconscious on the floor. A electronically muffled voice came over the sound system, “Ha Ha Ha, it is I, El Blonde Scorpion. You will tremble over my mysterious powers and various dye jobs, the only clue I leave you with is this. I am a figure from both of their pasts and for whatever reason Vince McMahon is totally in love with me and everyone else hates me. But I give no other clues to my totally secret identity. Now I have to figure out to change David Otunga into a tiger.”

  5. Thomas Moffatt says:

    And keeping Eva Marie off TV is a bad thing?

  6. Al Boondy says:

    Geez, she just looks like a Kardashian clone with the black hair … creepy.

  7. Nathaniel says:

    Boy oh boy, this is bad reporting! First, Eva Marie is in fact a female. This means the correct terminology to use is Eva Marie Roja and Eva Marie Negra. Second, Eva Marie (Roja) is part of Smackdown while Clash of Champions is a RAW PPV. Does that mean Eva Marie Negra is part of RAW and is inviting her all red everything counterpart to the PPV for an epic inter-promotional match? Everyone knows that interpromotional matches are only on the big four PPVs, and not that one. Third, why are Michael Cole and John Bradshaw Layfield announcing together in the news story? Everyone knows Cole is on RAW and JBL on Smackdown now! Also, if the story had been true, JBL would have certainly called Mr. Cole “Maggle”! Boy oh boy, did you guys see The New Face that Runs the Place the Phenomenal AJ Styles win the WWE World Championship?!

  8. RD Reynolds says:

    “shouted JBL to the enjoyment of absolutely no one.”

    Legit feel that way about every single thing he ever says.

    • Philip says:

      As the man himself might say (because, you know, he says it at least once a week): “Oh, wah wah wah, Maggle! I’ve had it with your black helicopters and conspiracy theories!”

  9. Hitmonchan says:

    Imagine if Eva Marie bore Sin Cara’s son.

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