Headlies: Doctors Studying Medicinal Benefits of Booty O’s

14 Submitted by on Mon, 11 April 2016, 08:00

group of students working at the laboratory

Rochester, MN – Several doctors and scientists have been vigorously studying Booty O’s cereal to determine what medicinal effects they may have.

Experiments on the official cereal of the WWE tag team champions The New Day began one week ago at the Mayo Clinic. Kofi Kingston, Xavier Woods, and Big E hand-delivered 500 boxes of the cereal in exchange for lab coats, goggles, and clip boards.

“We are ridding the world of booty, one bowlful at a time,” boasted Woods. “Now, it’s time to see just how good The New Day really are!”

Big E swiveled his hips suggestively, accidentally knocking over test tubes and beakers with his aggressive gyrations. Kofi Kingston strategically twerked a carton of milk off a counter, pouring the contents into a waiting bowl of Booty O’s.

“We know that Booty O’s are full of great flavor and are part of a balanced breakfast, but we wanted to find out just how beneficial they were,” said gastroenterologist Dr. Lucas Strid, adjusting his glasses. “The deliciosity is off the charts and it contains just about every vitamin known to man. In fact, there may be a few new ones!”

Strid then ate a spoonful of the cereal.

“My god!” exclaimed Dr. Strid. “My…my glasses! I don’t need them anymore! I have perfect 20-20 vision now! Thank you, Booty O’s!”

Xavier Woods played a celebratory song on his trombone while Big E and Kofi joined the rest of the doctors and scientists in a victory dance.

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
14 Responses to "Headlies: Doctors Studying Medicinal Benefits of Booty O’s"
  1. Caveman says:

    Did Dr. Strid give Xavier Woods the Stunner after the dance?

  2. Geoff says:

    And now I have that song stuck in my head: Do the cool jerk (or that may be a line from a song). Gee I bet that URL’s not taken: dothecooljerkwithbootyos.org

  3. GeneMean says:

    I haven’t watched WWE in years. Please tell me this is a real thing I can buy.

    • Darryl Stewart says:

      It sort of is, GeneMean. You can buy the box but there is no cereal inside, just a T-shirt of the image on the box.

      Here’s the link if you want to buy one:


  4. Chris says:

    Sadly no. It’s just a cereal box you can buy off wwe.com that has a t shirt inside. Big E has said an actual cereal may one day happen

  5. Darryl Stewart says:

    Hey maybe if the real cereal takes off we’ll get some Ice Cream Booty, I mean Ice Cream Bars?

  6. John C says:

    The Booty Man announces his own brand of cereal on sale soon, Rear-ios.

  7. Alvin says:

    I’m still confused as to why a cereal named Booty-O’s is supposed to prevent Bootiness. Shouldn’t it be called “Anti-Booty-O’s?” Or is it like Apple Jacks or Grape Nuts where the flavor doesn’t represent the fruit being presented? On that note, is Booty even a fruit?

    • Darryl Stewart says:

      According to Stevie Ray, fruit booty is a thing. If you can accept that, it’s no more implausible to think the opposite may be real as well.

  8. Geoff says:

    Yes, it’s like that cereal Kix. Kid tested mother approved. Don’t mind me though, I just love saying Kix.

  9. CF says:

    Personally, I prefer accipiters over…

    Oh, wait….

  10. FYE says:

    No need to worry guys – the cereal is now real! FYE and WWE have teamed up to bring you an exclusive Booty-O’s cereal. Get your box today and make sure YOU AIN’T BOOTY! http://www.fye.com/stores/fye/fpage.jsp?id=266

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