Hartford, CT – After several months, $2.3 million spent on research, and countless work-hours, WWE has discovered that their currently decline in ratings can be directly tied to the lack of Mike Adamle on their shows.
Adamle, who once served as an interview, announcer and as Raw GM, was let go by the company in 2008. The ramifications of that firing are still being felt today.
“Numbers don’t lie,” said WWE Data Analyst Phil Bortles. “We’ve taken a comprehensive look at weekly, monthly, quarterly and yearly ratings going back over ten years and all signs point to the firing of Mike Adamle as the tipping point. It’s in my opinion that the WWE should do everything in their power to bring back Adamle. Or develop new stars. Either one works.”
WWE has sent “feelers” to Adamle’s agent to gauge his interest in returning, but Adamle expressed apathy to the company’s problems.
“The Ad-Man heard that the ‘E wanted him back,” said Adamle from his mansion in Hollywood while surrounded by many beautiful women. “But they’re going to have to do a lot to get the A-Bomb back. I like to watch my puppets dance, if you know what I mean. What’s in it for Adamle. You can’t spell ‘Adamle’ without ‘M-E’, know what I’m saying?” said Adamle, flipping the collar on his fur coat.
Adamle sipped on a piña colada from a golden chalice and continued, “A-Dawg has got a lot of irons in the fire. Investments. Consulting. Acting. Directing. Producing. WWE has to bring the moolah to get this piece of A. Stocks, options, corner office. A character in the next 2K game. A Mike Adamle shirt. A Mike Adamle show on the Network. Renaming developmental NXAdamle. The Mike Adamle Memorial Battle Royal. And that’s just for starters.”
Vince McMahon is rumored to be commissioning a life-size statue of Adamle to be carved out of marble to lure him back to the company.