Headlies: CM Punk To Undergo “Adamantium Skeleton” Procedure

13 Submitted by on Fri, 21 June 2013, 12:00


Chicago, IL – In preparation for his match with Brock Lesnar, WWE wrestler CM Punk will be undergoing an experimental procedure to bond the unbreakable metal alloy Adamantium with his entire skeletal structure.

Sporting extra large sideburns, CM Punk said, “Lesnar was a UFC champion, he broke Triple H’s arm, and he even endured the pain of being on a Survivor Series team with Matt Morgan and Nathan Jones. I have to be prepared. I’ve consulted some of the best doctors in the world and we feel that this is the best way to go.”

Indeed, Punk has surrounded himself with some of the finest doctors and scientists in the world to ensure that his skeleton is unbreakable. Heading up the procedure is Dr. Reed Richards. “Well, it’s certainly a dangerous procedure, but Mr. Punk mentioned something about having an accelerated healing factor that will keep him from experiencing any discomfort or a horrible, painful death. That’s good enough for me,” said Richards. Dr. Richards will be aided by doctors Otto Octavius, Henry McCoy, Curt Connors, and Moira MacTaggert.

“Listen, Bub. I’m not afraid of Sabretooth….I mean, Brock Lesnar. As long as there is no interference from Magneto….uh, Paul Heyman, I’ll be able to handle myself,” said Punk. “I’m the best in the world and I’m the best there is at what I do. But what I do best isn’t very nice. Snikt!”

Rumor has it that following his match with Lesnar, Punk will create a new stable with some repackaged Superstars. It will consist of Antonio Cesaro, soon to be renamed “Professor X”, Alicia Fox as “Storm”, and Shawn Michaels will be given the name “Cyclops”.

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From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
13 Responses to "Headlies: CM Punk To Undergo “Adamantium Skeleton” Procedure"
  1. screwfacecapone says:

    Genius! I love Marvel! One thing though: I wouldn’t see Otto Octavius and Reed Richards working together.

    • Jordan Mishkin says:

      Doc Ock’s tentacles were made of Adamantium at one point, so I figured he’d be an expert. Plus, Dock Ock helped out when Susan Storm was having complications during her pregnancy. [/nerdfacts]

  2. TK says:

    Very nice. Funny since is quite into comics, does a lot of the comic-cons now and in interviews like this one, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NRUdaIrx_QQ he talks about his fandom and who he likes best-if he were Dr. Doom that would work too when he’s heel, and it can’t blame the man for loving him some women like Sue Storm then. Brock I always joked could have been Eddie Brock aka Venom too. Oh and Reed has it all, way more than even their go to Doctor James Andrews.

  3. Raven7309 says:

    Hands down, the “FUNNIEST” headlie I’ve ever read. :-D:-D:-D
    I would love to see Lesnar cast as Sabretooth in an X-Men movie. Wrestlers would be 2for 2 then, with Tyler Mane being the first. Better yet, Lesnar as Juggernaut.

  4. Raven7309 says:

    One more thing: “Shawn Michaels as Cyclops.” So mean, yet so damn hillarious. 😛

  5. Jerichoholic Ninja says:

    An X-Men stable? License to print money! Stephanie McMahon could form up a villainous stable called the Brotherhood. She could be the Blob.

  6. Jay says:

    Very funny! I don’t get the Shawn Michaels/Cyclops reference but very nicely done.

  7. MJA says:

    Shawn Michaels as Cyclops = GOLD

  8. Thomas Moffatt says:

    You should have added something about Punk’s toughness and justify it by saying he sat next to Michael Cole at the announce table…

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