Headlies: Captain America Joins The NWO

14 Submitted by on Mon, 06 June 2016, 08:00

captainamericanwo(Today’s Headlie was guest written by Paul Sebert. Thanks Paul!)

New York, NY– Readers of the new “Captain America: Steve Rogers” were shocked by the comic’s ending which featured Captain America leg-dropping fellow superhero Jack Flagg before tearing off his costume to reveal a black and white NWO T-shirt before raising his hand in the air and uttering the “Too Sweet!” catch phrase.

“Well the first thing you gotta realize is that this is the future of comics. You can call this the New Hydra Order of Supervillainy brother!” Captain America said. “Well let me know you something. I made Marvel comics a monster. I made people rich up there and when it call came to pass the name Captain America, the man Captain America got bigger than the whole organization brother. And then Disney came calling amigo. They wanted to talk turkey with Captain America. Well Disney promised me movies, they promised me millions of dollars, and they promised me World Caliber comics. As far as Disney goes, as far as Joe Quesada and all of Marvel comics goes I’m bored brother! Because if it wasn’t for Captain America you people couldn’t be here. If it wasn’t for Captain America, Joe Quesada would still be drawing Ninjak at Valiant. If it wasn’t for Captain America Ms. Marvel, Squirrel Girl, and all of these johnny-come-latelys that you see out here wouldn’t be here. I was selling out first issues while they were bumming gas to get through high school. The Avengers, The X-Men, and the fans can stick it brother!”

As boos and crumpled up issues filled comic shops across the country, a hyper ventilating Tony Schiavone yelling. “This is the darkest moment in the history of comics! This isn’t like the time Superman died or when Spider-Man turned out to be a clone. Oh no! This is going to last forever!”

Captain America is currently scheduled to team up with Buff Bagwell to take on The Falcon and Johnny Swinger

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
14 Responses to "Headlies: Captain America Joins The NWO"
  1. "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

    Great job, Paul!

  2. Geoff says:

    I feel a disturbance in the force. Iron Man and Hawkeye have joined NWO Wolfpack because Capt took Black Widow with him to NWO Hollywood and Nick Fury stands at the helm of it all with Eric Bischoff. And yet somehow I’m still not surprised.

  3. Adam says:

    I’d say this is why I stick to the movie versions… but that “big push” the latest version of the 4 Horsemen were meant to get simply saw them all get jobbed to the X-Men yet again.

    Wasn’t even really the X-Men either, just the development talent.

    • Guest says:

      The movie’s usually have the problemlem of trying to condense issues (sometimes spread across years) of character development etc into an hour and 30 minute to 2 hour time limit. That’s what can lead to the issue you just mentioned.

    • Felicity says:

      Didn’t even have Arn Anderson as War!

  4. James S says:

    The only thing missing was Schiavone saying “Captain America, you can straight to hell…..”

  5. Jeremy says:

    Meanwhile over at DC Comics, Lex Luthor just cut a promo “Luthor 3:16 says I just whipped your ass”….. but then he abruptly was Superman punched by Roman Reigns and lost all momentum.

  6. John C says:

    Then the real Captain America (Reb Brown) shows up on his sweet, sweet 70’s Armerica-Cycle and announces that it’s an imposter Captain America that joined the NWO.

  7. jones says:

    But…but..I still have ninjak issue 1 and 2…

  8. MistaMaddog says:

    If any superhero would do a Hogan style turn, it should be Superman…


  9. Porter Sultzbaugh says:

    I haven’t commented on Wrestlecrap in some time…

    This was awesome !

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