Headlies: Broken Matt Hardy Accidentally Deletes Billy Corgan

8 Submitted by on Mon, 07 November 2016, 08:00


Cameron, NC – Ousted TNA official Billy Corgan secretly met with TNA wrestler Matt Hardy at his palatial estate in North Carolina to plot a coup against Dixie Carter.

“Dearest Billiam, thank you for coming to the Hardy Compound and Kid-teractive Funasium,” said Hardy. “I trust the guard drones did not give you a problem? Would you like a Fresca or perhaps a Royal Crown Cola. It is the cola of kings, after all.”

“No thanks, Matt,” said Corgan quietly. “I just want to get right down to business. I want what’s rightfully mine and only you can help.”

“Indeed, Billiam. It is I, Matt Hardy, who can help you and help you I shall. I have laid out the most intricate and devious of plans that will ensnare one Dixie Carter and give us both what we want. You will control TNA and I will receive more praise from the denizens of the internet!”

“That’s great, Matt,” said Corgan. “What did you have in mind?”

“I have a riddle, wrapped in an enigma, covered in a puzzle, and smothered in turkey gravy!” yelled Hardy triumphantly.

“Ummm…yeah….but like, what exactly are you going to do?” asked Corgan.

“Billiam, Billiam, Billiam,” chuckled Hardy. “We will DELETE Dixie Carter! Dixie Carter will be DELETED from television, DELETED from the record books, DELETED from TNA! The battlefield has been prepared for massacre and with the help of my loving family, Brother Nero, and Vanguard One, Dixie Carter will be completely and utterly DELETED, allowing you to sit on the TNA throne for all eternity!”

“And if that doesn’t work, I’ll just roll her up in a carpet and throw her off a bridge! What do you think Billiam?” asked Hardy

Hardy received no response from Corgan as the lead singer of the Smashing Pumpkins started to fade from reality itself.

“Oh, cranberries!” yelled Hardy. “This happens sometimes. I say ‘delete’ too much and anyone in the general vicinity will accidentally be deleted as well. It’s like a reverse Candyman thing. My bad.”

Corgan silently slipped into a void of nothingness as Hardy looked on.

“Don’t worry. It’ll wear off in a few weeks or until you need to go out on tour again to make back all the money you loaned to Dixie.” said Hardy.

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
8 Responses to "Headlies: Broken Matt Hardy Accidentally Deletes Billy Corgan"
  1. Bonesaw Shaw says:

    I just pictured all of that way way to vividly.

  2. Geoff says:

    Meanwhile on the other side of the multiverse, Kylo Ren sensed a disturbance in the force and chuckled quietly to himself. He then looked to his nearest commander and told him to go kill a planet. When he turned around, Billiam Corgan appeared into view. Both men looked each other up and down.

    Kylo: I can’t help you. You’re too dark and twisted. And what’s a pumpkin and how do you smash?

    Billie: That voice is too fake but I want that helmet. How much to buy it off of you so I can use it on my next album.

    Kylo told Billie that it wasn’t for sale and the two were last seen wrestling for control on the deck of the flagship.

  3. lipe from chile says:

    in the broken brilliance’s own words, DELIGHTFUL!!!!

  4. Barronmore says:

    Honestly, if you guys had your own wrestlecrap promotion…i’d watch it. Your headlies are some of the most interesting things out there today.

  5. John C says:

    “Damnit, I should have had him sing some songs with Maxell accompanying him on the exquisite xylophone. Senor Benjamin prepare a new rug we had a little deletion spill through and now it is in a rathar dilapidated condition.”

  6. Unknown says:

    Broken Matt Hardy needs to meet a certain Mr. Trump…

  7. MistaMaddog says:

    Oh no, Billy Corgan has faded away and been classified as…well you know.

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