Headlies: Braun Strowman Went Into A Restaurant And Ate Everything In The Restaurant And They Had To Close The Restaurant

14 Submitted by on Mon, 29 July 2019, 08:00

Little Rock, AR – WWE Superstar Braun Strowman’s quick meal at the BBQ Barn after Monday Night Raw, unintentionally lead to the restaurant closing forever.

“Whenever WWE is in town, we like to keep the place open late since the boys like to stop in after the matches,” said BBQ Barn owner “Big” Bob Sprucky. “A little after 11 o’clock, Braun Strowman came waltzing in. We fixed him his usual plate of brisket, pulled pork, pulled chicken, ribs, smoked turkey legs, chicken-fried steak, steak-fried chicken, chicken-fried chicken, steak-fried steak, burnt ends, corn, green beans, baked beans, coleslaw, mac & cheese, and a side salad. It wasn’t enough.”

Famished after his match, Strowman demanded more food.

“We cleaned out all the smokers, steam trays, and the walk-in freezer” said Sprucky. “We thought he was finally done around 2am, but then he let out a huge belch and kept going. He even ate the decorative flowers on the table and a can of shortening. ‘Tis no man. ‘Tis a remorseless eating machine.”

After eating every food item and one napkin in the restaurant, Strowman patted his enlarged belly and said, “Ugh. I am such a fatass. I’m going to be ‘The Monster Among Toilets’ in a couple of hours.”

The food shortage caused be Strowman’s insatiable appetite has forced BBQ Barn to close its doors.

“There’s nothing left, so we have to close until our food delivery next week,” said Sprucky. “This is just like the time The New Day went to the old IHOP across the street.”

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
14 Responses to "Headlies: Braun Strowman Went Into A Restaurant And Ate Everything In The Restaurant And They Had To Close The Restaurant"
  1. Lionel Hutz says:

    “Ugh, I am such a fatass.”

    Do these sound like the words of a man who had all he could eat?

  2. #OPC says:

    But the sign said, “All you can eat”!

    • Thomas Moffatt says:

      I rather suspect he then drove around town looking for another BBQ restaurant and when he couldn’t he went hunting…

  3. CF says:


    [John Pinette, on why he was not allowed to go to Chinese Buffet restaurants]

  4. M says:

    If only Braun had went to the Shoney’s that Scott Steiner runs

  5. John C says:

    After Braun’s meal was finished he couldn’t help but feel a little sad that the roast was not at all what he had expected it to be like.

  6. Wilson says:

    Did he later wash himself with a rag on a stick?

  7. Bubbafan2 says:

    Braun Strowman: Personally responsible for children starving in multiple third-world countries.

    Also, someone call TL Hopper. The “Monster Among Toilets” might need the “Monster Among Plungers”.

  8. Preparation Triple H says:

    And he washed it all down with a Diet Coke.

  9. el atomico says:

    should have been Greasy Joe’s Bottomless Barbecue Pit

  10. The House says:

    That could have been me!

  11. Sean Mc says:

    This actually happened to me. In 1996 I was doing local promotion work for the WWF(at that time). I was supposed to be doing local promotion work with Davey Boy and Owen but their nephew got sick and they were unavailable for promotion work. So I had to take Yokozuna to a television interview. We went to an all you can eat restaurant in Surrey, B.C. I think it was called something like Hannahs or Harrahs. Anyway he ate about as much as you would think Yoko would eat at an all you can eat at an all you can eat buffet. About two weeks later, I went back and the place had permanently closed.

  12. Felicity says:

    Great article! Minor spelling pet peeve: the past tense of “lead” is “led.” ☺

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