Headlies: Heel Big Show vs. Face Big Show Set For Wrestlemania

32 Submitted by on Mon, 01 February 2016, 08:00


Birmingham, AL – WWE leadership has announced that the very first match announced will be a feud that has been brewing for over a decade.

“This is going to be the biggest Wrestlemania ever,” boasted Vince McMahon to a throng of reporters. “AT&T Stadium. Arlington, Texas. You know what they say about Texas, don’t you? They say ‘We’re 39th in the nation on education!’ They also say, ‘Everything is bigger in Texas!’ which is why the first match announced will be a doozy!”

Several camera flashes went off and reporters feverishly took notes on their smartphones.

“In one corner, the biggest, the meanest former World Heavyweight Champion, the largest athlete in the world…The Big Show!” yelled McMahon.

The Big Show walked out from behind a curtain, a large scowl across his face. He growled at the group of reporters, lifting his fist in a threatening manner.

“And in the other corner, a man that knows The Big Show all too well. A man that started with him in WCW, followed him to WWE and ECW. A man with a great sense of humor that would do absolutely anything for his family…The Big Show!” bellowed McMahon in his best carny voice.

The Big Show quickly ran behind the curtain, coming out the other side. He smiled broadly, waving to reporters and kissing a baby that was handed to him from the crowd.

“The Big Show versus The Big Show at the biggest show of all time!” screamed a red-faced McMahon. “The vicious, nasty heel giant against the lovable, friendly face big man! This match will be no holds-barred, no disqualifications, no count-outs, and unlimited breadsticks! And, there will be a special guest referee!”

The Big Show ran behind the curtain again, this time emerging through the middle, tears streaming down his face.

“The special referee will be Crying Big Show!” squeaked McMahon, his voice quickly failing him. “Who will win? Who will lose? How many times will The Big Show turn before Wrestlemania? Sign up to the WWE Network to find out!”

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
32 Responses to "Headlies: Heel Big Show vs. Face Big Show Set For Wrestlemania"
  1. Jjcoop says:

    I knew WWE would perfect their cloning machine someday…. “Who needs NXT we’ve got 22 Nohn Cena clones!”

  2. John C says:

    Expect a run in from Heel Kane at some point followed by a save made by Face Kane, this will lead to a tag match where everyone turns on the other.

  3. Thomas says:

    Some businessman. McMahon calls for unlimited breadsticks and no more marinara dipping sauce to go with them.

  4. PD says:

    I’m amazed WWE has not ribbed Big Show into doing the split screen promo between his heel and face persona’s ala Dude Love Interviewing Mankind. x

  5. RobVanDamIsABallerina says:

    For Wrestlecrap purposes, we could only hope that it ended in two poop covered Big Shows.

    • Adam says:

      That’s probably how the feud starts. Show gets mad at himself for not replacing the TP roll.

      • Caveman says:

        I can’t wait to see the Big Show vs. Big Show crapping contest on RAW leading into Wrestlemania. Two toilets side-by-side in the ring, the one that produces the biggest pile of (Wrestle-) crap and/or explodes his toilet bowl with it wins!

  6. Preparation Triple H says:

    I think it would go something like this:

  7. #OPC says:

    The Giant will be special guest time keeper. The match will see the return of Captain Insano as ringside enforcer.

  8. Ed says:

    I never got to see the match between Mr. America and Hulk Hogan, with the Hulk Machine as ref. So this is just as good IMO.

  9. Gotchism For Life says:

    As I was reading this, it reminded me of that crappy Thunder game for PSX and a SD vs Raw that had Hollywood Hogan (black and white), Hogan 80’s and Hollywood Hogan (red and yellow).

    For the Thunder game, my friends and I rented it. So while we were playing we only kept one nWo faction. We also had a match with Hollywood Hogan vs Hulk Hogan.

    In the SD vs Raw…that was actually something you had to complete…it was called Good vs Evil.

    So reading it made me remember that until I saw Crying Big Show…then I giggled.

    Nicely done.

  10. Dan Sheldon says:

    If I was on creative I would write the match so there would be a DOUBLE TURN at the end of the match!

  11. 80's Guy says:

    Man, that takes me back to the territory days when Dusty Rhodes went up against the Midnight Rider…..

  12. MistaMaddog says:

    Then WCW Giant does a run in head butting both Big Shows only to get beat down later on by NWO Giant and the New World Order.

    And that’s when space/time collapses…

    • Gotchism For Life says:

      No, space and time won’t collapse…it’s too wibbly wobbly timey wimey to collapse.

      Besides the force of the combined chokeslams will allow one to get to 1.21 gigawatts…so we’re good.

      My wife thinks I’m sexy…the key…not letting her see what I post.

      • Adam says:

        The universe will correct itself… but an after-effect ripple of the paradox will turn everyone on Earth into Big Show.

        Think ‘that’ scene of Being John Malkovich, only with a lot more swerve-turns.

    • Ze Frenchie says:

      As long as the Ye-tae doesn’t do a run-in and dry humps both Shows, I’m good.

  13. CF says:

    DON’T LAUGH — there is a _Monty Python_ sketch where Graham Chapman wrestles himself:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBynXo3UQN0 .

    Pray to whatever god you hold dear Vince McMahon is *NOT* a Python fan…. 🙂

  14. Geoff says:

    So remember the match between Undertaker and Underfaker. Then Kane and fake Kane. You think WWE would have learned their lesson by now. But no, they think three times is the charm. After the failed first two, what can possibly go wrong with a third one. Big Show Heel vs. Big Show Face. Things that make you go hermmmm

  15. "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

    This one really made me laugh! Nice!

  16. Thomas Moffatt says:

    In the main event Triple H will finally have his much vaunted bout with the broom handle, a match that has been brewing since 2011. The broomhandle will knock off Roman Reigns to become number one contender following a charisma competition…

  17. Geoff says:

    And thus this is how we get an Erik Rowan’s beard vs. Seth Rollins knees match for the World Heavyweight Title at Wrestlemania. The beard won the Rumble, the knees won the Elimination Chamber so now the two will collide at the Granddaddy of all sports entertainment.

  18. Jlevysan says:

    This is like an actual match that a Japanese indy fed might book. Thing is, with the right performer you could make it work. Too bad its so weird and different that no major US based fed would let a wrestler try to wrestle his or herself.

leave a comment