Headlies: Baron Corbin Has Been Broken

3 Submitted by on Mon, 21 August 2017, 08:00

Brooklyn, NY – WWE Superstar Baron Corbin has developed a new persona in light of recent events.

Corbin, who has been acting strangely since losing failing to cash in his Money In The Bank contract on Smackdown, appeared at backstage sporting a new white streak in his suddenly bushy hair.

“DELICIOUS!” exclaimed a wide-eyed Corbin while getting a meal at catering. “This truly is the most exquisite baked chicken and fruit salad in all the land! The rumblings of my tum-tum have been silenced!”

“He really freaked me out this morning when he introduced me to his son Maxwell,” said Kofi Kingston. “It was just a Maxwell House coffee can.”

“Corbin’s brain is now full-on booty,” said Big E. “There’s no cure for booty brain.”

“His hair totally uggo, but like so uggo that fans are totally going to love it,” said Tyler Breeze. “Now if only he can do something about his face, chest, arms, legs, and smell.”

“We’re all a bit concerned about Baron,” said Stephanie McMahon. “Failing to cash in has hit him really hard.

Things became stranger when Corbin ran in to his Summerslam opponent John Cena.

“Brother John-oooooooooo!” hollered Corbin across the dining area. “Though we may have exchanged fists at Summerslam, soon will be your winter of discontent!

“Man, I’m just here to get some of that baked chicken. Rumor has it that it’s good,” said Cena.

“It’s DELICIOUS, you fool! You will now be DEFEATED for such insolence! DEFEAT! DEFEAT! DEFEAT!” screamed Corbin. “Phallanx I, attack!”

Corbin then proceeded to throw paper airplanes at Cena before heading back to his studio apartment he now dubs “The Corbin Compound”.

WWE officials are currently unsure how to deal with the newly Broken Baron Corbin, but have confirmed that have not spoken with Matt Hardy about it.

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
3 Responses to "Headlies: Baron Corbin Has Been Broken"
  1. Brian Jacobs says:

    The only thing missing is Colonel HBK selling the baked chicken as a new dish at KFC, and he dillapitated boat seen in the newly found Southpaw Regional Wrestling videos posted that the Bank rode in on in the swamps. Glorious entry!

  2. Matt says:

    John Cena would be Brother Felix. Or Anthony. Or Anthony Felix. He has two middle names….

  3. Darryl Stewart says:

    Instead of Broken, might he be “Busted” Baron Corbin?

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