0 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 13:09

Text by Justin Henry; Photoshoppery by RD Reynolds
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By Justin Henry

Los Angeles – Star of television and film Charlie Sheen recently signed on with World Wrestling Entertainment to serve as the company’s “social media ambassador”, and has wasted no time in lauding his new employer for their recent actions.

Brian Jossie, who performed under the names Abraham Washington and simply “AW”, was let go this past week for on-air comments referencing a 2003 incident in which NBA star Kobe Bryant was charged with rape.

“There’s just no room for that kind of debauchery in World Wrestling whatever,” said Sheen, who apologized for his bloodshot eyes, due to recent allergy issues. “That AW character was just bad for business, and there’s no need to combine wholesome family entertainment with such filth. What are kids that watch supposed to take from that? The three hours a week I legally get to spend with my kids, I make sure they know the difference between right and wrong.”

Sheen applauds World Wrestling Entertainment for their handling of the situation, and does not feel it’s politically motivated.

“I know Vince McMahon, and he’s just content to keep his product informative and fun for people of all ages. He understands the value of entertaining children, like that time he put a cowboy hat on and made that funny face to amuse that midget, Pornsmuggle. I’m sure there are many other examples, but since I watch every week, there’s just too many to choose from. Besides, I’ve been getting ready for my confrontation with David Bryan, so my focus has just been all over.”

Speaking of his war of words with “David” Bryan, what does Sheen plan to do at Summerslam when Bryan has his match with Kane?

“I’ll probably somehow interfere, assuming they meet my appearance fee. Wait, is it Tuesday yet? If not, uhh, if I were a Connecticut voter, I’d vote for Linda McMahon! Ha ha, I hope I got that right.”

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Justin Henry is WrestleCrap's inquiring newsman, thirsting for knowledge always. He enjoys the art of satire, as you'll find in many of his works here at WrestleCrap. Drop him a line on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/notoriousjrh) and Twitter (http://www.twitter.com/jrhwriting)

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